Hola Linds,

I can relate 100%. I am an ENFP which means we are great starters of everything but rarely finish anything. To make it worst we have many interests and are good at most of everything we try. When I was younger, my many interests and pursuits didn’t bother me. However, looking back and realizing I never really tried anything consistently enough to produce results made me feel like a slacker. So before I could modify my behavior I had to discover why I was consistently inconsistent. First, I am genuinely excited by new things, people, places, etc. Secondly, I also love to be challenged. Lastly, I have too much energy to sit still. So I realized I was addicted to the high, enthusiastic sensation that came with the new. I was excited by the challenge and put lots of energy into. However, after I was no longer challenged I lost interest. After the new became familiar, I no longer wanted to look at it. I spent so much energy in the initial stages that I would burn out. Also I felt like if I stuck to one new thing long enough then I would miss out on other new opportunities.

So I realized I had to pace myself. Discover one new thing at time. So I have tricked myself by saying I am only going to do this today. Then tomorrow I tell myself the same thing, I am only doing this for today. Rather than thinking, I am going to do this 3 times a day for the next 6 months. Also I told myself if I could be consistently inconsistent then that meant I could be consistent. This gave me lots of hope for myself. When I began to dig even deeper into this issue, I found some other truths. I was trying to distract myself from myself. I was addicted to the new because I could not tolerate the present. Also I was a bit excessive about my pursuits and didn’t really filter what I tried. I put a lot on my plate at once. Thus I had to know myself more in order to choose things that were right for me. I didn’t like to finish anything because then it was over, I would have nothing to come back to. So I had to learn to be happy with the way things are without needing to add a new element. I had to learn to let go and say goodbye so that I could actually finish something. I had to learn to be and feel alive so that I didn’t need to constantly chase that high feeling of making new discoveries. I think curiosity is necessary and discovering new things is necessary and it helps you grow. I just realized that my underlying intentions for doing so weren’t exactly pure. So I am trying to do new things in moderation and focusing on the present not the new possibilities because that is in the future. I am also trying to meditate to help me focus. I really don’t want to be a jack of all trades and master of none. I would prefer to be a jack of all trades and at least a master of one.

As far as waking up with different emotions, I think we all do this. We are living beings and our feelings are going to fluctuate. Just accept them and know that this really means nothing about who you are. They are just fleeting emotions. Emotions are always in motion. Being an ENFP means I am dominated by my emotions. My emotions dictated how I dressed, what I ate, etc. It wasn’t a matter of what I wore but what I felt like wearing or what I did but what I felt like doing or what I ate but what I felt like eating. This was so bad that if I was asked to do something at work, I wouldn’t do it right away simply because I didn’t feel like it. I realized this was a very juvenile attitude and I couldn’t base my whole life on my fluctuating feelings. So now I just embrace what I feel without DOING anything about them. I simply accept that I feel happy today, I feel sad today and then I choose to move on. So if I feel sad or fearful, I say okay great I feel sad and fearful and now I am headed to work. It is not about ignoring your feelings but about accepting them without the need to change it. I wish you the best of luck in discovering yourself and recreating yourself. Here is a quote for you while you undergo your exciting rebuilding process: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

Mucho Amor y Cariño,

Zenhen

Dearest Linds,

You are just out of a 7 year relationship. Your aura and energy field has been enmeshed with another person for a long time, and you are probably really feeling that void. Not only this, but I’m sure you love him despite what happened to end things. You and I are very alike, and so please know that this comes from my heart. It is great to get inspired by thinking about what you are going to do to reinvent your life without this person. Great job for taking this step. But I would encourage you to be very mindful about where the activity stops being something you are doing to reinvent, enjoy, and fulfill and becomes a series of empty things you are doing – to distract from the pain of a breakup-. This may be one reason why activities are growing old quickly. They are being done with an empty heart because there is not a lot of room for new things until the old things are processed and released. Do you need to take a couple weeks to just be down? Cry? Punch pillows? Do nothing? Part of reinventing ourselves is learning to trust that we are our own best company. But we can’t do that if we don’t respect and sometimes just sit with feeling that are less than desirable. Once we learn to honor ourselves, both the good and the bad, and let go of what you can from the past 7 years, you may find your heart will be more full and alive to then give to other activities. It is not easy. But we tend to go to a place of “emotion aversion” after such a loss, and it will not serve us. This is my favorite quote at the moment: “The problem can never be solved by the same level of awareness that created it.”

Thinking thoughts of love, kindness, and positive transformation for you…

Linds,

It sounds to me like you were more open. When we recognize there is no destiny set out for us, and rather, we choose and lead ourselves toward wherever and whatever, it can be scary. That is why its important to know yourself. For instance, if you have only eaten Mac and cheese for your entire life, if you sit down at a restaurant with a 15 page menu, it will produce stress. So many choices, and no “ground” to choose from… no sense of knowing what you like.

This is why I described discovering our relationship to life like a table of appetizers, where we can take 20 mouthfuls of different foods and see what we like. This helps us develop a ground of self knowing, because as we chew we become more aware of what tastes good to us and what does not. Otherwise we stress, because if we feel we have to switch our Mac and cheese to another single source of nourishment, and are doing it by throwing a dart at a dartboard, we don’t want to trap ourselves by chance.

Inner stability, also called authentic confidence, arises from sampling a bunch of things and seeing what works and doesn’t work for us. Food, hobbies, spiritual practices, romantic partners, movies… as we engage with them and see what happens they help us develop who we are by answering the simple questions “Do I like it? Does it feel right? Does it feel healthy?”

When feeling overwhelmed by the big picture, we can say “this is just fear”. Then we get back into the present moment and say “What is here now? What do I see/hear/smell? Do I see anything here that is appealing?” This grounds us, like roots into the earth, and allows the uncomfortable feelings to dissipate… whereby we can see the magic of freedom again.

Great noticing! Keep it up! One foot, then another, and down the trail of Linds you go!

With warmth,
Matt

Thanks for your wisdom guys. Just out of an 8yr relationship and the pain is raw. Found this site quite by accident and already I feel calmer. Time for the hard work to start.

Davey