Dear Dhragosh:

There might be nothing you can do next, that is, she sounds determined that her relationship with you is over and she is approaching life differently now.

Three questions for you:

what about your ex gf was not good enough for you (you wrote that you felt that you could do better)?

why were you harsh with your ex gf even though you loved her?

What was the nature of “the pinch of flirt”  with your 5-years-ago gf that your recent ex gf read on your phone?

anita

What do you want Dhragosh?  Ask yourself honestly what do you want?  Do you want her back?  Or are you reacting to the rejection?

She’s young and yes  hurt.  But it appears that she at least knows her worth it seems… parting ways with someone who thought ‘he could do better’ than her…is a good move for her and you should let her go.  Perhaps space and growth may bring you back together in time.

Dear Dhragosh:

I can understand the phone record being troubling to your girlfriend, especially in combination with a pattern of an unloving/ harsh behavior on your part through much of the relationship.

Problem is, if you do get her back as your girlfriend… and maybe a future wife but still feel that she is not as smart or attractive as you would like your girlfriend/ wife to be- you will be doing her and you an injustice.

Have you changed your mind about her smartness and attractiveness…?

Which leads me to ask: since she ended the relationship with you, what changed for you; why do you want her back? If you got her back, what would be different?

anita

Ask her to meet you where you have an opportunity to lay it all out there and tell her how you feel, how you’ve grown, etc.  And then take it from there.

I agree with Anita, if you have changed the way you feel about her, personally I wouldn’t want to be with someone who thought they could do better.  I want someone who looks at me like I’m IT.  good luck

Dear Dhragosh:

You can learn from this relationship and how it ended: “I have learned that it is not the fact that she is not the hottest person I know, or the most educated, what matters, but her loving personality. She would have done anything for me and I see now how I took her for granted”- and you can use this learning in your next relationship.

Thing is, she asserted herself very clearly with you. She does not want to get back with you. Show her the respect you have not shown her before and respect her wishes, respect her assertion. Let her be, accept her choice.

You can’t control her perception of your phone communication with your girlfriend before her; you can’t control what she tells others and what others say. All you can do is state your position if you have the opportunity.

The fact that you didn’t physically cheat on her, unfortunately to you, doesn’t earn you credit. In her state of mind, it doesn’t matter.

Again, learn what you can learn for the sake of a better relationship in the future, most likely with another woman.

anita