Dear wordsoveraction:

Not a good situation to bring children into- that is if having children is a possibility and a consideration.

Your resentment is valid, that is, there is a message in that resentment that you should look at, determine what it is, the message that is. It can be anything from you needing to tolerate differences in religion- or lack of, all the way to the possible message that this is not working for you.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable preparing food (or cooking, with smell of food in the air, god forbid) in a house of people on a fast.

If you examine the message behind the resentment and would like to explore it here, please post more.

anita

I can see why you would feel uncomfortable being the only person eating if everyone is fasting. It’s not easy feeling like an outsider when the people around you are practicing a religion you are not a part of. I think even though many religious people try to be accepting and embrace others, it can still feel like there is a dividing line between people of different beliefs.

I think it’s great that you acknowledge your feelings. It’s totally okay for you and your partner to have these differences. To be honest, I think even if this weren’t a religious thing, I think to some extent families tend to have different traditions.

I don’t know much about your boyfriend’s religion, but I can say that fasting in itself isn’t that uncommon. There are lots of religious people who fast for different reasons. The idea (usually) is that it strengthens the person’s faith because they learn to 1. resist temptations, 2. detach themselves from earthly things to focus more on spiritual enlightenment, and 3. practice trusting their higher power to provide for them, not only with material things, but with spiritual things as well… If a person is healthy enough to do it, it can be beneficial. Sometimes people will fast from something specific, like soda, so they can learn those things without risking their health.

I think honesty is important. I’m sure your boyfriend would understand you feeling uncomfortable being the only person eating. Maybe there’s a way you can spend some time with him and the rest of the time with other loved ones?

On the other hand, it sounds like this could be a chance to step outside your comfort zone. You might learn something. No matter what you do, I think you should enjoy your holiday. You and your boyfriend can always have your own celebration before or after his fasting. As long as you have time to bond, I think things will work out either way.

Oof, religion is such a tough thing in relationships. This is why I talked about religion the first two weeks I was dating my now husband (we have very different religions).

It’s still a little awkward when I’m with his family and they do all their prayers and stuff and I stand there waiting for them to finish. But the point is that aside from those 2 minutes of awkwardness, the rest of the time I have felt welcomed and part of their family i.e. NOT an outsider. If their rituals and traditions were too outside my comfort zone, or I felt ostracized for my beliefs, the relationship would have been a goner.

There’s a difference between a bunch of people fasting while joking about all the delicious things they’ll eat after and being friendly with you VS. a bunch of people fasting while spouting holier-than-thou rhetoric because they are so much more penitent and faithful than you. It completely depends on what kind of religious culture is the norm in his family.