June 19, 2013 at 10:55 am #37194JohnParticipant
Have you ever had someone stuck in your head? Every once in a while, at random moments of the day or perhaps even at certain meaningful locations, the memory of this person will come back to you. The memory can either be pleasant or unpleasant. Sometimes, it’s brief and sometimes, you can spend a few minutes reminiscing about this person or even having a conversation with them in your head (things you said, things you wish you had said, or things you would like them to know).
For my emotional and mental health as well as theirs, I’m no longer in touch with these individuals that keep popping in and I haven’t been for years. The thoughts and memories are not a hindrance to my life – I live everyday quite normally and I’m happy without them.
But I was wondering if anyone else has experience this phenomenon before and if so, what do you do? Just accept that they’ll always be there and it’s nothing to worry about it or is something that I should actively work towards removing? I wonder what else my mind could be doing if I wasn’t wasting energy and time in this repetition of thoughts and memories.June 19, 2013 at 11:55 am #37195JeffParticipant
I see no reason to try and actively remove thoughts and memories. I personally believe we can work so hard at trying to live in the moment that we forget it was all those past memories that helped us get to this point. Why shove them away? Maybe your subconscious is telling you that you need to forgive those old friends or make amends to go further. Maybe they’re there to remind you what happened when you wound up in an unhealthy relationship and it’s telling you to be careful. Maybe they’re just popping in your head to remind you that you used to love baseball and should catch a game. Listen to your thoughts- there are lessons to be learned at every level if we’re willing to listen.June 19, 2013 at 2:26 pm #37198LalehParticipant
I totally agree with Jeff! I think you should never ignore what is popping up , maybe you do have unfinished business with them.June 19, 2013 at 5:20 pm #37204JohnParticipant
Thank you for your replies.
I guess I do feel like I have unfinished business and, at the same time, the minds constant reminders could be a hyperactive radar that’s constantly scanning the area in search of similar dangers.
I don’t think I’d be able to resolve any unfinished business with them directly because I don’t think any casual interactions would allow me to communicate that which would ultimately allow me to let go and I’m not sure they’d be willing to listen (they have moved on with their lives and to what extent am I a memory in their minds..probably not much), but indirectly, with myself there is some healing and processing that needs to take place.
Boy, I guess I still have a lot of work to do.June 19, 2013 at 8:13 pm #37205AnonymousInactive
Thank you for your story. I too have people “pop up”, and as the responders have said, maybe there is unfinished business. I was told also not to push them out, because they are part of your past, part of your history, and you have learned something from every one.
But I smiled when you stated “boy, I guess I still have a lot of work to do,” because it mirrored exactly what I was thinking today.
Take heart – you are certainly not the only one – me too!June 21, 2013 at 9:05 am #37271LalehParticipant
I have been going last couple of days through the same thing, I know i have to do something about it but dont know what, mine is not that old, I’ve been avoiding sending the message to say how he shouldn’t have left thigns that way and I am hurt and a decency would have be nice to end things, but something has been holding me back. I was trying to let it go, and just didn’t feel like bringing myself down and ask for explanation, and left it to the universe, but seems like I can not get closure from it, it feels inside I need to let it out or do something to get closure. I think closure in these situations are more important, I was far more happier with the jerks I dated that ended horribly with an argument, instead of this “nice” guy that just left and disappeared with no explanation. Yes work has to be done and i feel for you. It is ver hard to cut someone’s energy and soul out of yourself without an answer.