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Rock Bottom

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  • November 29, 2017 at 8:57 pm #180003
    Rach
    Participant

    Hello,

    I was wondering if anyone else struggles with these experiences/feelings in life. Either way, I’d just like some advice 🙂

    I have hit one of the loneliest moments of my life. I sometimes think there is no place for me in this world. Not in a dramatic way, but just in a way that I am seeking a sense of deep belonging and connection and for whatever reason have not found a group of people to accept me. I’m not perfect, and I’ve made mistakes with some good people. Despite having apologized I still feel like an outcast. Sometimes friends from my past life will invite me to do things but I always feel like they are only doing that because they feel obligated or pity me. Not because they genuinely like me. A series of events happened recently in my life which had led me to feel socially exiled and scruntized constantly. It is an unescapable feeling of judgement– feeling like everything I do wrong or have ever done wrong has been written in a book and is following me around to remind me how I have done horrible things. Sometimes (when I don’t have obligations of class) I avoid going outside to avoid being reminded.

    Even in my family (I have a mixed family, was divorced, now blended) that I love dearly with all my heart yet I feel like I constantly let them down so I avoid talking to them. It is almost as if everytime they say “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” I can’t help but think “But I don’t deserve that” or “Why me? So and so is so much more… *insert something I lack* ”

    These feelings are crushing to me but it is a form of reality that I can not escape. And despite knowing it is wrong and I have so much to be grateful for I can not step outside my own personal feelings of worthlessness.

    I wish I could start the past three/four years of my life all over again and re-do all the mistakes I’ve made.

    November 30, 2017 at 3:00 am #180021
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rach:

    You wrote: “A series of events happened recently in  my  life which had led me  to  feel socially exiled…I wish  I could  start the  past three/four years of my life all over again and re-do all the mistakes I’ve made”-

    What were those events and mistakes that  affected you so significantly?

    anita

    November 30, 2017 at 8:10 am #180057
    Peter
    Participant

    Sorry your feeling this way. You are not alone; a person can have a lot to be grateful and still experience loneliness and depression. Telling yourself that your wrong to have such feelings could be making such feelings stronger perhaps even finding yourself stuck feeling bad for feeling bad…

    It sounds odd doesn’t it, feeling bad for feeling bad for feeling bad and down the rabbit hole we go. But this is what often happens when we label our feelings as wrong. A Label that can distract us from finding and dealing with what we need to attend to.

    Here is an interesting paradox; what if feeling guilty for the way you feel, unworthy to feel what you are feeling, is connected to your experience of worthlessness. Is it possible that a step to moving forward and out of this stuck-ness is to acknowledge what you feeling? Your feelings and your needs have value. You have value. What your feeling is not wrong, emotions are information letting you know that something needs attention. You need attention. Finding someone to talk to, (maybe not a friend or family member) might be of help to untangle your thoughts and feelings.

    “I wish I could start the past three/four years of my life all over again and re-do all the mistakes I’ve made.”

    You have an inner wisdom speaking to you: There is no do over and even if you could start again you would make the same “mistakes”. This inner wisdom knows you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. In hindsight, you have learned better but learning better doesn’t allow one to time travel and do over. We can only take what was learned and apply to the present. But you already know this. The only mistake is not learning from our experiences.

    Practice moving your attention from the past, from regret, and focus it on the now where when you learn better you do better. What more can you ask of others or yourself. Trust your intuition. You have inner resources just waiting to be discovered and that will amaze you.

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Peter.
    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Peter.
    December 1, 2017 at 12:13 pm #180253
    Band
    Participant

    I, my wife and I have had a nasty rock bottom experience and it’ no where near over without random help.. I know this is not the place for what I’m about to do but… if I don’ ask then we will never make it out…. https://www.gofundme.com/loveslasthope

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