Dear William,

I too was a part of a spiritual community (not a Buddhist one), and it was a rather negative experience. So I understand your caution about joining any group of “believers”. Are you considering joining a Buddhist monastery, where you would live together with other followers? Or it would be a loose community of people, who follow the same teachings but don’t live together?

Dear William:

Study buddhism. com/ what is sangha?: “The word ‘Sangha’ is a Sanskrit term that means ‘community,’…  Nowadays, as Buddhism has spread throughout the Western world, it has become quite common for the Buddhist community as a whole, or even just small groups of lay followers at a Dharma center, to be said to form a sangha…

“So, what kind of qualities does the Sangha have that we want to develop ourselves? 1. When they teach, they don’t just repeat what they’ve learned from books. They speak from their own authentic experience… 2. Their only wish is to help others, and they practice what they preach. Think of a smoker scolding us about the dangers of smoking, we will really wonder why we should follow their advice, right? For that reason, the Sangha is always sincere in what they do, so we can really trust them. 3… the Sangha has a very good influence on us to improve our Dharma practice“.

Before I am able to offer you any advice, I ask: “I have a background that makes me cautious and anxious around any group of ‘believers’“- are you cautious and anxious around any group of people, or in particular, around a group of people who claim to believe in X or Y, suspecting that they are not genuine believers?

anita

Dear GenJo,

I came from a christian tradition that embraced magical thinking. When the premise of your beliefs is nonsense then the ground work is laid to convince yourself of anything. The church community supports this and it becomes communal delusion.

So, this has led me to be suspicious of any group with shared but subjective beliefs.

Yes, even otherwise rational people can start believing in absurdities – if that’s the “groupthink” and they don’t want to be ousted by the group.

People in tightly knit spiritual communities often look for a sense of belonging, a sense of family. They sometimes see the leader of the community as a parental figure, who will give them love and appreciation/validation they haven’t received from their parents. So being a member of such a group can be tricky because there might be an unhealthy interpersonal dynamic, adoration of the guru, and rivalry between members, which is similar to sibling rivalry, etc.

What I am trying to say is that beside the teachings, what is also important is the interpersonal dynamic in the group, and specially how the leader is perceived. If there is idealization and “deification” of the leader, that’s never a good sign.

Anyway, these are in my opinion red flags and something to pay attention to in any spiritual community. Not sure how relevant it is for you, but I thought I’d mention it anyway, since I myself didn’t have the best experience.

Thank you!