I have been married for going on 37 years now. We married early and neither of us knew so little about relationship, that we didn’t have many expectations. He was a very strong, loyal provider, which was exactly what I needed to get out of my dysfunctional home, so we married. Children came 5 years later and eventually a number 2 girl came along.
We built a wonderful family, my children grew up in a great open neighborhood and I was a very hand on mom. Raising my children was the happiest times of my live. As they grew, I explored a long life passion of being coming a nurse and I went back to college at age 33 part time and became a registered nurse in 1996. A very proud moment and accomplishment for me.
Throughout all this, my husband was less that present. He adhere to strong working prinicples and long hours. He valued working hard, his earned income and paying bills on time. Our relationship was less than passionate, and mostly convenience related. My husband is also very possessive of his money. He make me feel horrible for spending any of our “joint” funds. To him, money was only to be spent on mortgages, bills,retirement accounts an savings. I learned early on, if wanted nice things for myself, home or family, I would have to work. So I did for more that 15 years. My money paid for anything other than Bills. He does not see that as a contribution. Once he said that “he paid ever mortgage payment,so the house belonged to him. We have never been bad off but we rolled into this system of he pays expenses and took care of excess costs: like birthdays, Christmases, furniture, rugs, blinds, vacation. I worked to give my family luxuries of life – he worked to keep the roof over heads. I understand both are important but he sees me as some type of financial enemy. He has removed my name from some acccouts, Year ago I consulted a lawyer and I would have to file for separate and honestly I do not have the legal fees. It is well known he would never leave his home. We communicate very poorly but he does know that I feel this is a degrading way of life for me. I offered to pool our earnings but then I would want my name on the accounts. He refused. We have had many heated arguments regarding these issues. Recently, because of health issues, I had to leave work I told him I was considering not working and trying for disability for my injuries. His concern was having to contribute to my expenses. In the past I took care of all of my own material needs.
If I go back to work, it will be very hard and I will experience a lot of pain. I have several spinal and joint diseases, I have to take pain meds and muscle relaxers. Clearly being home would help me feel more comfortable.
I am very unhappy in this marriage as I am sure he is. About 4 years ago, he told me he was not interested in sex.
I feel trapped in a relationship because he is providing the “roof over my head” so to speak, and if I am on disability I will not be able to live on the small settlement. I wish I had enough money to move to another state and explore a new life for myself. The environment and lack of love – is a daily toxic experience. PLEASE let me know what I can do…..