Some of my family members have been struggling more than others for a while. These family members have consistently faced tougher challenges. I recognize their hardships, but over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern: those used to receiving help have started taking it for granted. They’ve become perpetual takers, while the givers in our family, like rivers, keep flowing endlessly. Even as things start to improve, the giving doesn’t seem to slow down. It makes me wonder: when will the givers stop and ask themselves what just happened?

It’s particularly troubling because these takers often don’t realize how one-sided this dynamic has become. They don’t see how their actions are hurtful to those who give so much. Sometimes, when they have a chance to contribute or help, they simply choose not to. It’s frustrating, especially since my family, who has been more fortunate, is expected to maintain this generosity.

We’ve been doing well; we’ve lived abroad and when we returned, everything from our lifestyle to our manners seemed to fascinate people, especially those from smaller towns or villages. There’s an undercurrent of jealousy and a sense of aspiration in their attitudes. Over the years, I’ve seen them mimic our choices and lifestyle, striving to capture some essence of our lives in theirs.

But this admiration comes with expectations that are taxing and unrealistic. They expect us to behave in a certain way, to continuously set an example. It’s exhausting. I’m tired of being the role model and the go-to person for help. They wear my clothes, use my things, and when I need assistance, they’re nowhere to be found. Yet, when they need help, they don’t hesitate to call or show up because they know they can count on me.

At this point, how does one handle this? Perhaps the solution is to tell them how I feel or distance myself. It’s challenging to maintain such relationships when it feels like you’re the only one investing in them. It’s taken a toll on my mental health and peace and although it shouldn’t affect me so much, because I feel there is so much history and years of efforts invested that it’s getting hard me to get over it.

I started therapy 3 months ago, there are a lot of things I’ve realized and am realizing and understand that healing is not, but some moments I just want to shout. I am finding it really hard to forgive myself for being soooo stupid and falling into the same trap my mom since her younger days. I could see the patterns and parallels and it doesn’t feel good.