fbpx
Menu

self doubt is causing stress in my life

HomeForumsEmotional Masteryself doubt is causing stress in my life

New Reply
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #49239
    oda
    Participant

    I find that very often at work, I would try to talk to people but then afterwards I would begin to feel like I said the wrong thing and then I would get very stressed and worry that I said the wrong thing and may have offended the other person and that makes me doubt myself even more. Please let me know if you have some good suggestions for me.
    Thank you!

    #49258
    Matt
    Participant

    Oda,

    I’m sorry for your insecurity, and can understand why it feels awkward to talk to people sometimes. Consider a few things. First, talking (especially with new people or acquaintances) is almost always a little awkward. When you talk to others, perhaps accept that it will be awkward, and do your best to move on. Second, its good to wish not to offend other people. However, we can’t control that… because their getting offended is between them, what they hear, and how they interpret it. What we can control (somewhat) are our intentions.

    You don’t intend to offend anyone, and wish them peace and happiness. That’s great! It means that even if you do accidently offend someone, you’re in a great place to overcome it. Said differently, if you can accept that you don’t want to offend anyone, and leave it at that, then if you ever do cause hurt feelings by mistake, your heart will move to reconcile with the person that felt hurt by your words. Until then, however, its pointless to speculate. 99 times out of 100, the people aren’t thinking about you anymore at all… perhaps some of them are even stressing that they offended you!

    Finally, consider more self nurturing activities. Perhaps you have a low self esteem in some areas, and being kind to ourselves helps a lot to grow, rekindle, and fuel our sense of connection with the world. This naturally bolsters our self esteem, because wherever we go, there we are, open and ready.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #49272
    Mark
    Participant

    Oda,
    I wonder if you are getting any indication or feedback that you have offended your co-workers. Is this feeling comes from your work situation or from other parts of your life?

    Mark

    #49274
    Dan
    Participant

    I can relate. I am 19 a college student and I have recently realized how fucked up and depressing the world we live in is. Everything they told me as a kid growing up does not make sense anymore, nothing in life seems fair. Work hard and it will be alright only takes you so far. I feel like I am stuck in a corner/dead end one way road with nowhere to go all alone.Finding a reason to live seems like an obstacle everyday. I just wonder if there is any light at the end of the tunnel? I wonder if it will ever get any better everyday I can’t escape these thoughts no matter how hard I try to focus.

    #49293
    oda
    Participant

    Hi Mark,

    Thank you for your reply. I think it’s something I think or feel afterwards.

    oda

    #49295
    oda
    Participant

    Thank you Matt for your kind advice! I will try not to think too much and rehash past conversations. I tend to beat myself up when I make a mistake or do something wrong.

    oda

    #49297
    happy_to_be_alive
    Participant

    Dan, it will get better. It does get better. It will always get better. What you describe sounds like serious depression, which (like any physical illness) will get much worse without treatment. Is there someone you can talk to—whether one-on-one with a therapist or in a group (CBT, etc)? Most colleges offer counseling, often free. Having been there myself, I know what a relief it is to talk to someone who gets it and can help you find your way back to yourself. With the depth of despair I hear in your post, it sounds like talking to a professional would help lift you out of the pit.

    Good luck.

    #49299
    Mark
    Participant

    Oda,
    I believe that our mind is our most useful tool and the the thing that can cause us the most pain. Our reality is how we think of it. If you have not gotten any feedback from your co-workers that you have offended them then it is most likely all in your head.

    I can only offer that if we truly speak from the heart and from love then that is the best we can do at the moment. Perhaps you could be more skillful in communicating but it sounds like you don’t know how your words are received.

    So in the meantime, I recommend being mindful in your communication. Pause. Be in your heart. And then speak. Then let it go.

    Being in our head and living in the past with regrets does not serve any of us.

    If you did make a mistake then how about making amends or corrections? Remember that you are doing the best you can do at that moment. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself. I know, easy to say, hard to do.

    Metta,
    Mark

    #49318
    oda
    Participant

    Hi Mark,

    Thank you very much for your advice and understanding! You are right about ‘sounds like you don’t know how your words are received’. Thank you for giving words to how I feel but do not know how to describe it. I like your ‘in the meantime’ advice. I need to learn to quiet my mind by giving pause and be in my heart and then speak. Thank you!
    Yes, I realized that rehashing past conversations can only leave me feeling worst, and I will always put in my own negative version of it. I need to learn to let go. Knowing that others support and understand my issues certainly helps. I am glad that I posted my issue here and have received kindness, understanding and support from you and others. Best wishes to you!

    oda

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.