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Self esteem

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Lilly82 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #168174

    Lilly82
    Participant

    I'm having some bad self esteem issues at the moment.  I've always been self conscious about my appearance.  I've never felt pretty enough, girly enough, feel like my nose is too big, my eyes are too small, and the list goes on.

    I have an amazing boyfriend that always tells me that I'm pretty and beautiful, but I don't feel it.  I was at a wedding yesterday and he asked me to send pictures to him in my dress.  I had to take multiple photos, put on a filter etc.  Even the photos I sent, I didn't like, and I was picking myself a part.  I wonder why he is with me, because he is a very good looking guy, and I don't feel like I'm on his ‘level' if that makes sense.

    I want to feel pretty enough for him, but I don't know how.

    #168186

    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Lilly,

    Self esteem issues go way, way back into the time you could barely crawl. So my question, if you don't mind, what was the relationship with your parents and classmates?

    I can tell you this for sure, if your b/f says that you are “pretty and beautiful” believe it. Never fall into the trap of comparing yourself to someone else. Let me share a story with you. Actually it's not a story, it is real life. A number of years ago I dated this girl who was a model for Surfer magazine. She modeled women's bikini's and other clothes. She made her way up the model ladder in a short time. So she had the look-the body, hair, smile, the look. We dated about 5 years, lived together for 4. At first I was liking the lifestyle, meeting people of different levels of high society. I had to attend these openings. I forgot what they were called but they had a show off opening usually, not always, at someone's HUGE house to showoff their new line of stuff. The first few times I had to attend one of these functions dressed real nice. That wasn't me. I'm a jeans and t-shirt, and Olukai kind of guy. Apparently a little too laid back for that part of society. So this brought up many fights-what to wear, how to look, etc. I recall one time I was at one of these functions. This guy started making conversation with me. He looked like one of those high end, spoiled rich kids in The Great Gatsby. He asked me, “What do I do?” I pondered for a very short time, sort of perplexed by the question. I asked him, “What do you mean, what do I do?” “Your work. Your line of work. Are you in “the business?” I was assuming the fashion industry. I told him I worked in medicine, specifically surgery as a P.A. I told him that was what I do. His response was, “Oh. I see. Interesting” I guess I wasn't cool enough for not being in “the business.” so he moved on and found someone he could relate to. One day I decided this lifestyle was too fake for me and eventually left that relationship. Shortly after I met this girl. I was intrigued by her background, how she was able to carry a conversation, but especially her confidence was sexy. I find a woman with confidence very attractive. It wasn't a snobby kind of confidence, it was real. But she was about an inch or 2 taller than me, I'm 5'9 and a little over weight. But SO WHAT! She looks so much like Mayim Bialik on Big Bang Theory. She was a brunette, had a few acne scars but SO WHAT, she didn't have the Hollywood requirements for the silver screen but again, SO WHAT!  We talked, shared numbers, and eventually got together. She wasn't a so-called looker. I loved this woman with all my heart and soul. This relationship ended because she lost her fight with cancer. So what I am trying to say is never compare yourself to anyone else. Never live up to other's expectations. Your B/F is VERY lucky and when he says you're are beautiful, believe it.

    #168200

    Meredith
    Participant

    Hi Friend,

    It's easy to be overly concerned with how we look. We live in a society that places an enormous pressure on women to be beautiful all the time. With so much focus on your looks you're unable to see the beauty inside, which is what people remember you for. Some of the most magnetic people I've met in life weren't “lookers” they owned their inner truth and this was absolutely memorizing and energizing to be around. Just be you, maybe get off social media for some time to take a step back and see how it's limiting your perspective.

    #168212

    Lilly82
    Participant

    Thank you both for taking the time for your responses!  I was bullied a bit when I was in school, that my nose was too big, and my dad left us when I was about 11 or 12, and even to this day he will poke fun at my nose, so I suppose that's why I have such a complex about it.  I do compare myself a lot to other girls, and maybe getting off social media is the right thing to do for a while.

    Peacehawk- Thank you for that story! I agree with the confidence thing.  There are very attractive guys I have met, but their personality etc, has turned me off, and there are guys that I have met that aren't that attractive but their personality and confidence makes up for it.

    I know beauty comes in all forms, so trying to accept me the way I am, and believe my boyfriend when he says I'm beautiful.

     

     

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