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Separated Parents

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Peter 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #297577

    nevertheless
    Participant

    I am a separated mom and I share custody of my daughter with my ex partner. I feel so guilty all of the time because I don’t see her every single day of her life (she is primary residence with dad and I have unlimited access anytime I want). I work to pay child support to dad because he is unemployed and on assistance and can care for her more than I can for free instead of paying a babysitter. Hes with a new woman and she has 3 kids with 3 different guys and I don’t know a thing about her. I just feel so guilty sometimes for having freedom when everyone in my life (family) thinks I should be the person who is taking care of her full time instead of letting her dad help (he is a good dad and trustworthy with her but we were not compatible as partners after my child was born).

     

    How do I get over the guilt of being a single mom and not having my child 5 days a week? I recently returned from working overseas for 3 months and she has been fine with her dad while I was gone we had regular video chats and such. I have her at least 2 nights a week but I have to work evenings so its easier for her to have a stable place with her dad while I’m out working all the time… however everyone in my life makes me feel guilty and like I’m a terrible parent for this.  I cant shake this guilt.

    Help?

    #297635

    anita
    Participant

    Dear nevertheless:

    “everyone in my life (family) thinks I should be the person who is taking care of her full time…everyone in my life makes me feel guilty and like I’m a terrible parent”-

    – does everyone in your life, family members who criticize you for not taking care of your child full time, do they supplement their criticism with offers of practical help to you, such as making it possible for you to care for your child full time by offering you regular financial support, a place to live without paying rent, offering you to babysit your child for free, any of these thins?

    Regarding the woman your ex partner is with, the woman you don’t know who has three kids of her own- does she live with your ex partner, and do you know anything about how she treats your child?

    anita

    #297685

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Nevertheless

    however everyone in my life makes me feel guilty and like I’m a terrible parent for this.

    Guilt – culpable of or responsible for a specified wrongdoing. justly chargeable with a particular fault or error.

    From that definition I would argue that quilt isn’t applicable. From your post your daughter is safe and well adjusted and as a parent that’s is what is required of you.

    The expectations of others on what they think you should do and be is their problem and frankly sexist. We all want people to accept us and approve of the things we do and its important to be open to such conversations however we can’t let it define us.

    The judgment of guilt isn’t appropriate here and if other’s actions and words are leaving you feeling that way the issue isn’t about your co-parenting plan, its about something else. An honest conversation ought to solve the problem however most people aren’t skilled at such conversations especially when family is concerned.

    Quite frankly you ought to be able to tell those that you are feeling judgment from to stop, and that should be the end of it.

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