fbpx
Menu

Should I consider this new guy

Home→Forums→Relationships→Should I consider this new guy

New Reply
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • August 4, 2018 at 12:04 am #220255
    pineapplegirl
    Participant

    I broke up with my ex 4-5 months ago. I am happier now then I ever was with him. He never really cared enough and I was left hanging. One day I met a friends cousin and I didn’t make anything if it till revelry when he started showing interest in me. He is a decent guy and he is genuinely fraying to get to know me.however , I fear from my past experience. My ex left me when we were about to get engaged and he choose his family over me. My ex was wrong for me in the sense that he was different from my family and stuff my parents accepted him. Now this new guy is also from a different family and where I come from girls get married to guys from  a specific cast. I don’t want to put my parents through the same thing as the last time. They want to find a durable match for me as I am old now and approaching 30s which is too old of an age . I do not have the time to casually date anymore. This guy is great but he is still in college and I have already done a masters. He hasn’t started a career. He is sweet and all but there’s a lot that is different.i always wanted to get married for love and not go into an arranged marriage. I am conflicted. Should I give him a change or just let my parents choose ?

    August 4, 2018 at 7:38 am #220289
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear pineapplegirl:

    Welcome back and congratulations for moving on from the previous relationship.

    I suggest you meet his man for a series of honest conversations aimed at getting to know one another and not for the purpose of getting into a relationship. Meet him for a series of interviews, similar to job interviews, only the two of you are equal, not one being an employer and the other a hoped-for employee.

    If you let your parents choose a husband for you, they would be interviewing the potential husband, won’t they? (Not necessarily so, as I read that many parents choose a husband based on horoscope alone).

    Interview him, find out his relationship with his parents, if like the previous man, his mother is his primary concern and she will be living with the two of you if you got married.

    anita

     

    August 4, 2018 at 9:52 am #220317
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear pineapplegirl,

    It looks as if you have doubts about a relationship even before it has started due to previous experience. It is important to let go of the previous experience to the best possible, in a way that emotional scars from it do not affect the new one while at the same time learning from it.

    You mentioned some of the restrictions that you have. Given those restrictions and your stated concerns about the current potential relationship, I would suggest you ask yourself if you are ready to go through this. Keep your mind open to all options.

    Another out of the box suggestion is from my understanding of your previous post. I believe your parents agreed for the previous relationship despite social differences. So you can let them “choose” prospective grooms while you take your time with them before you give your stamp of approval.  Effectively trying to create a win win for both you and your parents.

    Hope you are able to go forward in life without any regrets.

    Take care

     

     

    August 4, 2018 at 10:17 am #220321
    pineapplegirl
    Participant

    Your replies are very helpful. I believe I am just scared to get hurt again. I would like to fall in love rather than marry for convinience. However, I realize talking to some men doesn’t make them become my partner or that my parents will want me to choose. For me it’s not based on horoscope but I just fear if I keep saying no my mother will not like it. This is just a fear.

    August 4, 2018 at 10:41 am #220325
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear pineapple:

    I understand your fear to “get hurt again”. To minimize your chances to get hurt in the future, get all the information you can get, if it is true information  you can make informed decisions based on what is true.

    Regarding marrying for the reason of falling in love vs marrying for the reason of convenience, how about both reasons to some extent, that is, a genuine liking of a man, and convenience, both. The in love feeling people have, that doesn’t last indefinitely. Better the liking of a man, the kind of liking that lasts and lasts.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.