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Should I Follow My Dream or Should I Follow my Dad?

HomeForumsTough TimesShould I Follow My Dream or Should I Follow my Dad?

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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • #185839
    Roth
    Participant

    I can surely know what I want to be for my life. I, myself, I don’t wanna be part of government sector. I want to have my own business and be a businesswoman. I don’t want to work for government. I know that working for government is not that bad, it is good. But I just want to follow my dream, what I really want since I already grew and I’m a married now. I really unhappy with the job that I don’t like. I think he should allow me to do what i want, don’t force me like this because if he can force me now, i only make him happy but i cannot make myself happy. I’m so emotional with that thing. My husband and my mum, they both understand about my feeling. But my dad, he is very strict and he always want to make other people to follow him as always. But I don’t want to follow him anymore. I want to follow my dream and my heart. Im not young anymore. I can know exactly what I want. It hard to tell him that I don’t want to work for government anymore. If I said so, then he will super angry and he will not allow me to stay in his house anymore. This happened to me and my husband twice times already when my husband told him that I want to quit my currently job and doing a business, but he turn to angry and said something so bad and not allow us to stay in the house, so as we don’t have enough money to support a rental house yet, we just keep calm and follow him again and again in order to stay in his house.

    Please give me some advice. I feel too much stress to stay with him that he always force everyone to do even they don’t want to.

    #185965
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Roth:

    The problem is that you and your husband live in your father’s house. At first I didn’t understand that and I thought: well, choose your career and don’t visit your father’s house.

    But you live there and can’t afford living elsewhere.

    I don’t think you can make your father change who he is and has been for so long. He has the power, willing to kick the two of you out of his house, so he is not motivated to change… and doesn’t have to.

    So it is either living in his house and continuing your current job or leaving his house and choosing your career. Can’t have both…

    anita

    #186049
    Roth
    Participant

    Am I wrong? Am I wrong that I didnt listen and follow what he want me to be? Am I wrong that I follow my dream?

    #186117
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Roth:

    No, I don’t think you are wrong. I think your father is wrong. But practically, the one who is wrong is getting his way because he owns the house where you live.

    Very often people in power are wrong, but they get their way, people submitting to them because… of who has the power.

    anita

    #186429
    Sara
    Participant

    Dear Roth,

    You can’t be more right to want to live your life the way you want to.   However, in order for you to pursue your dream, it seems like  you will have to earn it.  If it comes down to dollars and cents, you may be able to  save faster by spending less or lower your standard of living…there is a cost to freedom.  From what you have said it seems like your father will not let you live there and have your freedom.

    It is a big step to forego financial security for your dream.  Good luck to you.

     

    #186443
    Roth
    Participant

    If it happens to you. What will you do? As a buddism, we have to respect our parents right? So how about me, im not gonna liten to my dad anymore. Is it called a karma also?

    #186447
    Divani girl
    Participant

    I’ve been where you have been…..your Dad only want the best for you. However his advise is making you unhappy. They also grew up in a different era and he thinks his way is less risk.

    if you can’t go against your dad as clearly you are not ready to and it’s in the culture… then do both. continue the government job AND work hard on the side to pursue your dream in your spare time until you build enough courage to take the leap. Start small. Do what’s needed. Work at your lunch break on your business if you have to. You will be happier at work as you will always be thinking of your business and ways to take action.Think positive. You don’t need to quit your job to have a business..you can start out small and then Every day will get more confidence and courage that one day you may have saved enough to move out with a double income…with age parents tend to mellow out and sorrt to say he will not be around forever…so start now and when you have more courage you will make the leap.

    I have faith that you will make the right decision for you.

    #186453
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Roth:

    If you and your husband lived in your own house, will you still wait for your father to approve of you following your dream for a career?

    You mentioned the old religious and cultural respect-your-parents instruction. When an adult woman… has to do the job her father wants her to do, marry the man her father wants her to marry, etc., it is not respect, it is obedience-forever-more. It is not being the authority of your own life, but submitting to another person’s authority for the rest of your life.

    anita

    #186469
    Cyril
    Participant

    Hi Roth!

    I think you should consider what’s feasable to you. Definetly follow your dreams! But have a plan to get to your dreams!

    It seems part of that plan may be to sustain yourself without your dad. Look into ways to get enough money. Perhaps you can start your business concurrently with your government job just until you can earn enough money to rent a place. If your business does really well, you may even be able to convince your dad that your business is a better path for you.

    You should not think of your dad as a “bad person” or the “authorative figure that cannot be reasoned with”. You are his daughter so I am sure he cares deeply about your dreams and future. This is probably why he is so adamant that you do the government job. It is a secure and stable job for your future.

    Try to understand why your Dad wants you to have that government job. If it’s because he believes you will be able to support your family better with a government job, then work hard to convince him that running a business can also satisfy that need.

    It seems you’ve made up your mind about having your own business instead of working a government job as your end goal. Look for ways to get your Dad’s support on this. But time is also a factor. And if you are running out of time and options, then unfortunately you may have to go even without your dad’s approval.

    I’m in a similar situation where my dreams are doubted by people I care about. But I suppose at least I’m in a position where I can keep working on my dream even without their involvement lol. It’s nice to be in that position, and I think you should strive for that too.

    I hope this information helps. I wish you all the best Roth.

    Regards,

    #187335
    Roth
    Participant

    Many thanks guys for ur helps.

    I will consider again what should I do next. Actually, now me and my husband are currently open a medical consultation cabinet, and we open in a rental house but still not grand opening yet. It just a small thing first, we hope we can move to another step when our first business success. And we did not tell my dad yet, until we finish the construction and interior design. We afraid that, if tell him then he will say NO. So better hide him first.

     

     

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