Home→Forums→Relationships→Should I just keep it this way and not stir the pot anymore?
- This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 5 months ago by Airene.
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June 28, 2018 at 11:19 am #214607alexa05Participant
Hi everybody, I’m trying To keep it short, so my bf was showing me some pictures of him from a while back, and when he was going through different albums I happen to see an album cover which had the picture of his ex wife (I know it was her cause I ha seen this picture before when I saw her Facebook profile), besides this picture they also send text messages to each other/communicate on a kind of regular basis (I really don’t know who starts the message or conversation) and sometimes he even sees her in person when she needs a favor from him, should I feel worried and concerned?, he is a great person with me, treats me very nice, but I want him to forget about her an move on. I get they where married for 10 years but they don’t have even have kids together so I don’t get all the back an forth communication between them. She is 58 and he is 46, I am 30.
Plus the WORST is that 2 weeks ago we were together, and when we were going back home, he was checking his messages and he then tells me:” it was my ex wife she texted me that her car broke down” she is with a friend. and then when we get home he tells me let me call her, so he goes outside, why in the world would he not call her in front of me? you see this is what makes my head spin around, , the other thing that I don’t get why the hell does she have to call him to tell him that? and the worst part is that he sometimes goes an caters to her needs (Obviously he did not that day ,he was with Me), I feel he is a fool for being a way to nice after a divorce people usually don’t get this along after a DIVORCE! Honestly I really don’t know what to do, if just get it over with and have a conversation with him an tell him to forget his past and move on, I just cant keep swallowing my thoughts over an over. this has to stop or I am out. Why in the freaking world is he with me if let’s say he still has feelings for her? does not make sense at all.
I talked to him about it and he understood how I felt and said I was right ( I told him that he cannot live in the past and that he needs to move on in order to make this new relationship with me WORK!), he seemed very sincere and told me he was really” into me and he felt very good being with me” and that if I did not like him going back to his hometown(where his ex wife lives) that he was not going to do it anymore. He said this because one weekend he went back to his hometown were his ex wife/Friends lives and guess what he stayed to sleep? in his ex wife’s house, and he had even told me that if it was alright/Ok with me, and I screwed up and told him: ”Go ahead I trust you”!BIG MISTAKE from my behalf since I hated the idea of him staying over at his ex wife’s home, Plus let’s be real ANYONE would get MAD about this!! this is very wrong from his behalf to have done this, It’s not normal to me, especially if you have a new girlfriend.
Does all of this seem sketchy to you? I just wonder if he still going to keep communicating with her even after we had a talk about how I felt about him being stuck in the past and talking/messaging his ex. this woman seems to call him for anything: ”oh my foot got stuck”, ring, ring, ring ”Mobile call” : Oh hi my foot got stuck” would you mind coming to help me. LOL I don’t understand why she calls or message him so much. Or who is the one initiating communication so much?
June 28, 2018 at 1:33 pm #214613AireneParticipantHello Alexa05,
I’ve known couples who divorce and do so amicably. My brother did a lot of stuff for his ex-wife after they were divorced, but they had two boys, and my brother did these things as much for the boys as for his ex-wife.
In your situation, the bottom line is…you are not comfortable with the level of communication he has with his ex-wife. The fact that he didn’t take the call in front of you, and sleeping at his ex-wife’s place when he went back to his hometown…this does all seem odd to me. I would wonder why he couldn’t talk in front of me, and I would also feel very uncomfortable about sleeping at the ex-wife’s place.
If you “keep it this way and don’t stir the pot anymore” he won’t have any reason to change. If you force the issue – because it’s what you want in your relationship – then he will know where you stand and you will know very soon if he is able to make the changes or not.
People usually do what they want to do. If he wants to change the relationship with his ex-wife to make the relationship he has with you better, then he will do it. But if he wants to stay connected to his ex-wife, then he will find excuses and reasons to continue to do so.
Best of luck to you.
Airene
June 28, 2018 at 1:55 pm #214617alexa05ParticipantI agree, he said he was going to tell her to not call him a lot, I have not seen any more calls. but of course we only see each other on weekends, I don’t know what happens the rest of the week. he said he wanted a serious relationship with me and that he wants me very much. and the reason why he does not answer in front of me is because she will create drama about it, WHY?! I don’t know they are divorce so there should not be any drama, she is not his wife anymore, so why would she create drama or get jealous? I don’t get this.
June 28, 2018 at 6:59 pm #214639AireneParticipantHello Alexa05,
I am wondering why you only see each other on weekends?
If he thinks answering in front of you will cause his ex-wife to create drama, then it seems to me he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. That he needs to clean up some of the loose ends with his ex-wife. Either that, or you need to be ready to deal with his ex-wife’s interference for the long term.
Just my thoughts.
Airene
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