I broke up with the guy i was with because i felt as though he did not reciprocate the same interest in me but then we talked about it and started seeing eachother again. But sometimes he says things that makes me feel bad. Like once during a date of ours he told me he wanted to have an asian gf one day (im not asian) and jokingly said that he was going to cheat on me with an asian girl and then during dinner he said that he might meet the love of his life during a trip he was gonna have in a few months. At that point it felt like he was just tryna make me jealous but I feel like jokes have a certain truthfulness to them. He has also made posts on social media along the lines of, “why dont older women like me :/” and stuff like that. Seeing that makes me feel bad. Cause I imagine dating someone who is totally invested in me and only thinking of being with me, you know? That is something I want. I asked him if he could stop making cheating jokes and he said he would but it made me upset that I would even ask that of him in the first place.

But he also does things I like such as surprise me with my favorite chocolate and whenever we go anywhere he asks if i ever want anything and me and him took a couple of Polaroids and he saved one of me. And he’ll tell me how beautiful and cute i am and shower me with affection. But sometimes it doesn’t feel like that is enough to really prove he really likes me. If you dont actually see me as someone who can be in your future why waste any of our time? I guess I imagine being with someone who is helplessly in love with me or just feels lucky to have me or afraid of losing me. He also takes hours to reply to my messages sometimes and then posts on social media instead. Which also bothers me, he has also stopped sending me good morning and good night texts like he used to do when we first met. Like now he’ll ignore a message I sent him the night before and then reply hours later after he has woken up the next day. And i know he is his own person and he doesn’t owe me that but it makes me feel like he doesn’t like me that much sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like walking away