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Should I marry a poor guy or stay single at 38

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  • #380382
    blue
    Participant

    Hi,

    It’s me blue again in the other thread, now I would like to talk about the choice between being single of married to a very poor guy. I am 38 and I just broke up with my boyfriend 1 year younger than me. The reason of the break-up because he was so poor. He is a hired labour living on very small income anout about 150$/month. I am well educated have have good income; and I cound not find any decent guys in the past. Some introduce me divorced man or widows with children to take care of. But I prefer single. But actually my chance of meeting suitle divorced or widow also limited here. So I think it is possible that I have to choose between 2 options: marry the poor guy and be a breadwinner or stay single? I wanna to have a child so much that I have sex with that guy then the break up happened. Now that guy is still waiting for me and my family to approve of our relationship. Thanks for your comments

    #380383
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blue:

    If you marry him and have a child with him, while you work: who will take care of your child? If you are able to make satisfactory arrangements for the child so that he/ she is well cared for, and if you like this guy and he likes you back, and there is mutual respect.. then why not marry him?

    anita

    #380386
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    He was so poor that  my parents prevent me from marrying him. They worry I will lead the rest of my life in poverty. So they think I am better off staying single.

    Blue

    #380392
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Blue:

    I understand that you care a whole lot about what your parents think you should do, and I understand that in conservative cultures the parents practically, if not legally,  own their daughters until the day she marries (and then her husband and his mother owns her). There are many exceptions to this rule in modern times, and maybe you can be one of these exceptions. Maybe you can take ownership of your life and make your own choices, now as a single woman and later as a married woman, if you get married.

    This man is poor, you wrote. Well, poverty is not a crime, and maybe there is a way for him to make a little more money. If this man is a good man, if he respects you and will not be in the way of you owning your own life as a married woman, then consider marrying him.

    Did you talk to your parents about marrying him after the first time they disagreed with the idea, or is it that if they decide something for you, their decision is final?

    anita

    #380699
    Felix
    Participant

    I am sorry if I sound like an old man, but I believe you marry someone you love. When you are with someone you truly love all the money problems do not go away, but when you love someone you find a way to survive because you love them and are willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. Call me old fashioned, but I can only imagine the insanity that will ensue if I say that I won’t marry a woman because she is poor. Is he poor because he is a lazy bum who doesn’t want to work or because he didn’t have a chance to make something of his life? May be he is a good person and you could actually help him be more than he is now. Try not to be so shallow. I assume you are not from US, so it’s probably different culture, etc., but in US women do this a lot and are often alone living with cats, angry at all men. I see this daily. I am not being rude, I am being honest. There is a concept in modern culture known as Hypergamy. In simple terms, it’s when women are with men who make less money than they do they are unhappy and the relationships don’t survive. I find that to be really sad. Again, call me old fashioned, but relationships should be based on love, emotions, feelings, common interests, not the amount of money you have in your bank account. I get it that it’s different for men vs. women, and cultures are different, but you have ONE life. If you care about someone, who cares how much they are worth?

    PS. All cultures are different and I get it that your culture requires you to consult and even ask permission from parents, but your parents are not going to be around forever. When they are gone and you are alone, are you going to blame them that you didn’t take a chance on someone you loved? IMHO, our parents can give us advice and tell us what to do all that want. And I listen to my parents, but I am not 12, 18, or even 22. I am a grown man and while I will always listen to what my parents say, the decisions I make are my own.

    Try to think outside the box. It’s actually very simple. Do you care about this poor guy or not?

    #380791
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, you are right, I consider my life belong to my parents. Though I am 38, I cannot make my own decision as I worry my parents are sad about me. Anyway they just care for me, they are afraid I would suffer poverty when I marry that guy. Now my only solution is just to let time heal and wait to see if my parents change their mind.

    Thanks a lot Anita

    #380792
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I appreciate your time and eattention in the long detailed comment s for me. I feel the kindness in it. Thank you.

    Yes, your opinion brightens me some point in my thinking. I am a woman, I am somewhat afraid of marrying a poor guy. But he care for me. During my last 38 years, no guys care for me. I google some cases which woman marrying poor husband, most sais it is not advisable. But in my case as a 38 years old, I am running out of time on fertility, and this single guy is my only choice at this time, I am considering. I will take your comments into consideration while waiting for my parents to change their mind or while waiting for things to work it our. Thanks again.

    #380804
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blue:

    You are welcome. Reading your two recent posts I understand that your current position is that you will  consider marrying this man if your parents change their mind and agree that you marry him. I hope to read more from you and find out what happens next!

    anita

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