Should I stay since we've been together for 7 year?

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This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.

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April 14, 2017 at 1:28 pm #145105

Jeanette
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I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I’m 22. We’ve been living together for a year and a half. We fought once in January and he grabbed me by the throat and squeezed. I felt fear even though it wasn’t that hard, I really wanted to end the relationship right then and there but I didn’t because I love him alot and it was only once he’s ever done that to me. My parents really don’t think I have a future with him, but he has big plans for us. Hes not a bad person, he always helps me in financial or other problems. He takes care of me, makes me laugh, and just wants to be sure im okay. He told me before that if im not happy, then to leave if thatll make me happy cause all he wants is my happiness. I just don’t know if i should stay with him, or leave the relationship. It’s hard to step away from a 7 year relationship.

April 14, 2017 at 3:06 pm #145133

Kat
Participant

My dear

I am myself in a difficult relationship my partner always experience difficulties with stress management takes it out on me very often. Recently he lost his job.. and again very argumentative picking on everything so I understand your problem. I really think same exactly like you …. stay or stop as sometimes becomes a nightmare. My Alan like your boyfriend also when he s good he s better than honey comfort me .. looks after financially too. I am scared …next time when he goes off the rails you know. If you feel same way you should probably make the move away …. I already started acting …we live together but now he s going to.work away from home. Your relationship is long 7 years but believe me if it happened even once and he was sort of aggressor it will come back in the future. With me … every time anything stressful comes along … KAT

April 14, 2017 at 5:59 pm #145137

Jay Rag
Participant

A couple of points here. You mention that your parents think you do not have a future with him and that he wants your happiness to be the top of his priority list. Both of these things are from people who have no control over yours and his relationship. You are the only one who can make you happy. He can try to cheer you up, do things for you, even be the perfect boyfriend but none of that will make you happy. Only you can make you happy. The issue with the parents is really a non-issue because every relationship has some difficulties and some doubters. Ultimately what matters is what matters to you, not what other people think about it because people always have some thoughts about other people’s relationship. If you want this to work, you need to be strong and sure of yourself and what YOU want.

April 14, 2017 at 7:29 pm #145149

Jeanette
Participant

Thank you for your advice. I agree with you jat. It’s possible he may do it again, but for now, I’ll just keep on going with the relationship, any kind of mishap, I will definitely pack my things and leave. And jay rag, u really opened my eyes b/c it’s so true. From now on, I’ll do things that make me happy, things that I know will benefit me in my future. And if In the end he’s with me, then it’s meant to be, if not then he needs to make his own life to make himself happy.

April 15, 2017 at 1:28 am #145189

Kat
Participant

Hello my darling it s Kat again. You said you are going to stay for some time and than maybe consider to leave. Make plans and decisions and take actions how you re going to leave, if ……this coming months prepare yourself bit financially you will need to move out so do not leave things to the last moment. Think how you would manage without him let s say maybe you need to find some extra work etc anything making sure you ll be fine as breaking up it s enough stressful itself so make it all easier …if you think ahead ………make plans before it all happens and write inamaria30@gmail.com also privately please how you are

April 17, 2017 at 3:57 am #145405

Malley
Participant

The fact that you are asking if you should leave, means that you should. If he were the love of your life and all things were right you wouldn’t even THINK of leaving. I had these same feelings 7 years into my marriage and I almost left. He begged me not to and I stayed for another 20. They were very very hard.

You are so very young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Please don’t settle with someone that can squeeze you by the throat no matter how you perceived it to be (non-threatening).

At least take a break from him and see how you feel.

I predict that you will feel lots of relief.

Blessings to you and may you find strength to do what you need to do.

April 17, 2017 at 7:16 am #145447
JayJay
Participant
Hello, Jeanette,

Is this your first or only relationship? 7 years from 22 means that you have been together since you were around fifteen years old. At the time you started this relationship, you were a child. And then you moved in together for the last 1.5 years. I wonder if this relationship is right for you now you are an adult, and not a child anymore. People grow up, they change, they might not want the things they once did.

You say he is not a bad person, and that he just wants you to be happy – even if that means you go, rather than stay. If you had chosen to go right back then, when you had the fight and the threatening behaviour, would he have said the same? Would he be happy about letting you leave if you decide to go right now? Remember he said this (if I am reading you rightly) in the past, when things were going well? You can always show someone the door and tell them to leave if they would be happier doing that when they don’t want to go, at that point in time.

I agree with Malley on this one… I also think you should take a break from each other and see what life is like on your own.

It sure is hard to step away from a seven year relationship, as you say. But if you do decide to stay, make sure that you are not staying simply because it’s the easiest choice, or simply because the relationship has become a habit, or because you feel guilty about upsetting the equilibrium. Make that choice for the right reason.
- This reply was modified 7 years ago by JayJay.
April 17, 2017 at 9:59 am #145491

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Jeanette:

To understand your situation better I ask:

1. Why do your “parents really don’t think (you) have a future with him”- what are their reasons?

2. You wrote that you fought in January. How often do you fight and how do those fights look like (other than the grabbing of your throat that one time): screaming? Blaming? What… and who does what during those fights? How are they resolved?

anita
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