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Should we get back together?

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  • March 15, 2018 at 11:41 pm #197553
    Kai
    Participant

    there is really no easy way to put an entire story so here it goes.

     

    i met my (ex?) 9 months ago. We dated off and on those 9 months. Now I dont mean to use it as a crutch but for more insight, I have been told I have anxiety and depression and possibly a personality disorder. About a month into the relationship he said something I felt insulted by and couldnt find it in me to let it go. To a degree, I liked the pain. Feeling like I was* inadequate to a degree. He was sincerely sorry for it and I still couldnt find it in me to let it go. Now this continued the entire 9 months. And while we did have ups and downs and break ups, we did come back. It wasnt until two weeks ago where it got really bad. i am unsure if details are needed but he blew up with some harsh words and blocked me. Before he did I did express that I would always love and remember him (I probably sound insane at this point). . However he brought over my stuff and left a rose on top of it. We agreed to talk a week after that and after talking we did consider giving it another go. And thats where we are now..

     

    But during this week off, I realized alot I probably couldnt see in the relationship. How foolish I was for hanging onto such a thing when a nice man actually loved me. The regrets I have over the unnecessary fighting in the relationship, and just wanting those good moments back and not taking them for granted. I hit rock bottom that week and believe and when I asked for a sign of strength and a path I was lead to one. I still loved him but I did slowly come to a bit more sense and optimism. And now that we talked I dont know where to go.

    I ask myself and I probably would be alright alone. While I learned to let him go, If we got back together I realize some dear would still be there. But Id want to live for the moment this time. Even if its just once I just regret and wish to relive at least some happiness with someone who may be a soulmate. Even if it doesnt work, I just want time together. I just dont know if I should follow that.

    When I asked for a sign, it was one of strength. But when it comes to love I am still just as lost.

    March 16, 2018 at 1:40 am #197557
    abubin
    Participant

    I have a very similar relationship with such a woman. A woman with anxiety and possible personality disorder issue. When she is angry, nothing goes into her mind. She will start thinking all sorts of nonsense which in the end, she will ask for break up. It happened a few times in a 6 month relationship.

    The good thing about you is that you are aware of your anger issue. You need to learn to control it. Maybe you should ask him to let you cool down whenever you are angry. Or maybe talk it out with him if you are still able to think sanely. Whichever method you think that works for you.

    Please do think from his POV. Without knowing the details of your argument with him, I can only guess from my own experience with such a woman. When she is angry, it is really hard for me. She push me away and say things that hurts. I tried to explain but it never helps. After a few days when things cool down, we are back together. Cause I have been very patient with her. I never show any outburst on her even though I am angry that she is treating me like that. I know if I did, the relationship will be over. I keep telling her how much I love her and that I do not want our relationship to end on some stupid argument.

    Anyway, if you love him and thinks that he love you. Give it another chance. Understand he is also trying his best to cater for your anger issues. It is not fair to put all the blame on him. He is has anger too and think of all the things he did for you.

    Good luck in deciding your happiness. Love is a choice.

    March 16, 2018 at 4:45 am #197585
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kai,

    In situations such as these, it is really helpful to run by the conversation with a professional. Sometimes a relationship isn’t working out and it has nothing to do with your depression/anxiety/personality disorder. Blowing up and blocking you, for example,  is a very immature response on his part, even if you were depressed/anxious/disordered at the time.

    No matter what your issues are, breaking up and then getting back together (rinse, repeat) is a bad habit to get into. If you’re broken up, stay broken up, and perhaps revisit the relationship next year if you’re both free. This gives space and maturity time to work its magic.

    Best,

    Inky

    March 16, 2018 at 7:10 am #197609
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kai:

    The last two sentences of your post are: “When I asked for a sign, it was one of strength. But when it comes to love I am still just as lost.”-

    you don’t have to be lost, not for long. If you resume your relationship, it doesn’t have to be the same as it was before, and it doesn’t have to depend on luck. You can be an active and discerning party to your relationship, make better choices following thinking. Have objectives and ways to work toward your chosen objectives, with your boyfriend, as a team.

    Anxiety, depression, what you suffer from, what he suffers from, you can help each other.

    anita

     

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