Silent Treatment from my partner

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    Need an advise and opinion here. Since Sunday night, my boyfriend which a single father has giving me a silent Treatment. In March we broke by him just send me a text message that he was not Feeling into our relationship. I was devastated at that time but I accepted his decision by replied to him in a good manner. But after a month he came back writing to that it was not the reason. First reason is that he was not honest to me that  he has another child on top of 2 child and about his financial Situation that is not easy. He was honest about he has fear that me will break up with him if he tell me that. Instead he broke up with me. After a Long talk we address the issue that it was due to the lack of communication. I realized sometime he has Problem with communication and often try to avoid discussion when we have an Argument. In the end I gave him second Chance, but I told him about my concern that we should improve of our communication if we want this relationship to work.

    It was nice between us until last Sunday. We should meet on Monday and spent time together which we agreed since a week. We have limited time for each other due to his Kids time. It started from me sending message if I could come after midday to him because I Need to arrange my Meeting the next day. He ignored me for 3 hour but he was online I could see, I started to feel annoyed and write him ‘Is it too difficult for him to answer and I feel a bit dissapointed that he ignored me because I Need to arrange my time and Meeting for tomorrow. He still has Kids that day. But he became soo angry about my message. It turned into big Argument from just that message, It turned out that he Need to arrange kid doctor appoinment which in the end our time together cancel because he and his ex just realized about the appoinment that time. But he makes me feel that I did not understand his Situation and blamed him for sometime he could not changed. He feel he Need to justify everything to me. I became so shocked, from just a question now the whole table turned into my mistake and everything blamed on me where I was not informed about anything regarding kid doctor appoinment and I feel left about in the relationship and I have to accept everything of not enough communication from him. Everything just about him and his Kids that I Need to accept and understand where was not even say sorry that the whole planned turn the other way around.

    After few message, he decided to just end our discussion and until now no News from him. He declined my phone call and did not answered my message. I proposed to talk instead of writing but he just ignored. I feel again this communication Problem and my trust again broken. Part of me feel that he is a good man except this lack of communication but part of me wanted to give up.


    Dear Juna:

    You wrote: “Part of me feel that he is  a  good man except this lack of communication”- reads to me  that his silent treatment is not happening on his part  because he doesn’t  know how to communicate. Reads to me that  he  is communicating  something to you by this silent treatment. Maybe  he is communicating the following: “if you give  me any trouble, I  will punish you!”

    The punishment is  the silent treatment. Do you think this is what he is  communicating to you, that he  doesn’t want you to complain about anything, that he  doesn’t want  you to  upset him in any way, and that  if  you will upset him (say the wrong thing perhaps, at the wrong time), he will punish you with his silence or a break up…?



    Hi Juna,

    I do feel his “ignoring” you is a red flag and should not be tolerated as that is a sign of disrespect toward you. I think healthy boundaries need to be put in place. He is ignoring you, while talking to other women online? Did I get that right? That would be a deal breaker for me. I would not tolerate rude or disrespectful treatment from a man. I would talk to him about his treatment..but you can’t fix him or make him change.

    It does not sound like you may be compatible perhaps, as you both have different styles of communication, and very much a lack of communication, with no boundaries in place and no healthy relationship can come from this. Do you think the both of you can look into therapy with boundaries, ways of coping, communication strategies, with a qualified therapist? Reads to me, that he is busy having fun being on the internet talking to women and not ready to settle down at this time. x


    Hi Juna,

    Dating a man with kids is usually a bad idea. Not to mention that he has so many kids in his eyes that he hid the existence of one of them (!).

    If he thinks giving you the silent treatment will be a sort of training exercise for you to behave, DUMP HIM.

    The best part? You don’t even have to tell him he’s been dumped. Simply not return his (eventual and inevitable) calls, texts and emails. He will be in the limbo land of non-communication himself. “Are we together or not?” If he writes back that it’s over (this is about Control), you write back the exact date and time you dumped him but he didn’t know it.



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