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Single, 30 years old male, what now?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Inky 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #216073

    Johnathan
    Participant

    So where do i start. Im 30 i spent the last 15 years of my life battling mental illness. I dont remeber alot of my teen years unfortunately because my mental illness started around 13 15, which has left an emotional hole inside me since i missed out on so much, my first kiss, dating, friends etc i got bullied badly during this time aswell i was so isolated.  i did have friends in my early 20s went clubbing i didnt lose my virginity till 25 not that really matters anymore. So 25 my OCD got really bad again and took me another 4 years with professional help to finally beat it. Its caused me to lose my friends as we also went and did other things etc. But now im 30 and im like now what? I havent been a longterm relationship before (not from lack of trying) mainly because my mental illness caused me to be extremely isolated. I have a good job house car. But im yearning for that significant other in my life. I dunno just some advice would be awesome since im kinda stuck now in work eat sleep repeat mode. Thanks in advance to anyone who replys.

    #216153

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jonathan:

    You wrote that you “finally beat it (OCD)”. What is our mental illness then, currently?

    anita

    #216223

    Johnathan
    Participant

    Funnily enough, none. I've improved myself to the point im free. But my social life took a hard hit, i moved so i dont really know anyonen im just stuck in this frame of mind that im 30 and missed out on so much.

    #216229

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jonathan:

    No one can make up for lost time. People try, but it is impossible. And we all lose time, lots of time. I for one lost decades. There is sadness about lost time, lost youth, lost firsts that didn't happen.

    Accept this sadness over lost time best you can. Consider that it is the norm, not the exception, to lose, or waste time, youth, opportunities.

    And then, consider what is available for you. What is available for you is a Beginning. It is okay to begin at 30.

    “what now?” you asked. Now live the life that is available for you.

    You wrote that you have a “good job house car”, well you have something. Now have a healthy, loving relationship in your life. Make that happen.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  anita.
    #216251

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jonathan,

    If you moved you would be starting over anyway even if you didn't have some missing chapters of your youth.

    By the way, EVERYONE has missing chapters of their life. I for one, never went to summer camp for whatever reason. All my other friends did. I missed prom, for whatever reason. But other kids might have missed playing sports, doing chores, family holidays, a best friend, etc.

    You have a job, house and car. Those are physical indicators of stability. No one who meets you will pick up on your missing chapters or past mental illness. And so what if they found out? They will have found out by then that you are a good guy. And by then you will have found out that they, too, are human.

    Best,

    Inky

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