Hi A.J.,

First off, you’re not alone-even if it feels like it! If you don’t mind me asking, have you considered that the girls you are approaching are not the right kind of girl for you?

From your description it seems like each girl is just really unavailable from the start and isn’t at all capable of reciprocating your kindness. If you want love and companionship, you’ll have to look towards someone who who can provide that for you. Big question is why are you chasing girls who can’t give you love when that’s all you want? You’ll have to look hard at yourself to figure that out.

I’ve seen you comment on here before on other posts, you certainly do seem to have a big heart! Someday, I know you’ll get to share that with someone who takes care of it, just make sure you choose wisely.

Much Love and Best of luck,

-Maria

Dear A.J:

Reality is, from my experience, that there are no fewer abusive women than there are men. Men misusing women for sex only is more common than the other way around, culturally encouraged, but this is far from being the only abuse there is in supposed loving relationships and not necessarily the worst of all.

The women you referred to on your thread are not necessarily pure victims, not likely. And so, it is not that… good women look for bad men and bad men are lucky to get those good women. Often the abuse goes both ways, sometimes it is mostly one way or all one way, be  the victim a man or a woman.

Another point: when you were told by a few women that you are “too good”- I think it means that they were turned off by something about your behavior. Not by your looks, mind you. Is it that those women are turned off by goodness? Possible. But maybe there is something to it, to this too good comment.

See, I don’t think there is such a thing as too much goodness or too much love. What could it be about your behavior, or the words that you say that is well… not so good?

Possibilities (I have no evidence or reason to think that is true for you): a man may be “too good” if he complains a lot about how good he is and how he is unappreciated and misused.  Or a man may be “too good” if he okays everything a woman says, expresses no conflicting opinion or position, smiles all the time as in communicating: I’ll be anything you want, just love me!

anita

Hi A J

from experience as the type of woman who are attracted to bad boys  I can for some woman  it’s the challenge to win and change this type of personality, to prove that to the world that ( I can change him ).

I have also met nice guys who have a lot to offer in a relationship, somehow i have not been attracted to them, whenever I try to form a relationship it’s with guys who just had a break up, divorce, drinking problems, blaming woman for everything that has gone wrong in their lives.. I listen, give advice, nurse their wounds, be their best friend, all the time proving to them that not all woman are so bad.  But anyhow, eventually they cheat, lie  and abuse the comfort you offer. It is also hard to leave as you keep grasping to hold on to the picture in your head of the dream of a perfect relationship.  I am that type of woman you are describing in your post. You crave a good relationship but always end up with broken partners. I’ve read a lot of books on relationships trying to grasp my personality, could it be we are emotionally un available ?  All my relationships follow the same pattern, like one book describes, same man different names. Is it something from our childhood, past?  No confidence in ourselves?  One of my ex,describe the type of woman he wanted in his life when I met him,  after our break up he dated the opposite as this girl is from my village, as we live on a small island. she’s known as a cheater as she’s married and cheats on her husband and dates different guys at the same time.

I can understand what you are going thru, I have taken time out from dating and I spend time doing things for myself and my two dogs who have been my best friends for some years now. I have also understand how to live alone as at first i had lots of fear on being alone, going from one relationship to another, I didn’t want to be alone for long, lately I have overcome some of this fear, I have started to spend time in nature which I enjoy a lot. Enjoy cooking meals for one and doing things for one.

Maybe you should try not to think about having a relationship and spend time enjoying your own company without thinking  that you want someone in your life. Divert all this energy to nurture yourself  and think positively about you as a person and not the negatives that says I am not wanted, have nothing to offer anyone. It is not true, it’s the mental picture we have of ourselves, I’ve lived with this for most of my life, I had no confidence. I’m sure this reflects on others who talk to us..

I am a beautiful woman, but I have this fear of what people thinks of my image,I criticise my image, I’ve done this for years, lately I’ve tried to stop this abuse to myself. Slowly I’m starting to understand that this is me, even if people reject me I’m still going to be myself. So don’t be too hard on yourself.

Stay bless

kadija

Dear A.J:

You are welcome. Changing behaviors that are based on deep seated core  beliefs is difficult but possible. With changing behaviors you can change the “so alone” life circumstance. Little by little.

anita