Dear Saya:

You took your feeling of love to an OCD roller coaster ride. Reads to me that you love him, very much so. You just can’t take that loving feeling for an OCD ride and expect to be okay.

A feeling of love needs to be let alone, to be allowed to be there, to calm down, to not be there all the time, then to re-emerge, on its own. Expecting and demanding it to always be there is unrealistic and puts so much pressure on your emotional self, that it is difficult or impossible for you to endure.

You can find many stories, some o the Forums here, under Relationships, of other people taking their loving feelings on the OCD ride. The term used is ROCD, Relationship OCD.

Let me know of your thoughts and we can continue to communicate on this, if you want/

anita

Hi Saya,

Thank you for sharing your story and concerns. It sounds like you are very anxious about this and you sound a bit panicked as well. It also sounds like to me that you really are giving yourself quite a hard time over this. Of course you want to give love back to this man who sounds wonderful, but sounds like you are angry at yourself or punishing yourself for not currently having those feelings.

I completely agree with Anita that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and as soon as you put pressure on yourself to love someone, then the feeling will go away. Sorry is this next comparison is crude to you, but I couldn’t help but think of comparing it to an orgasm. If you worry and concentrate on having your orgasm, then it won’t happy, and the feeling just goes away. But if you relax, allow yourself self-love then it will happen. I believe it is the same with love.

I try not to give advice, as I do not feel totally qualified for this, and it of course is your life and your experience, but I think some self-love should be in order for you. Be a bit kinder to yourself, and let go of some of your own feelings of how you ‘should’ be feeling, and just accept how you ‘are’ currently feeling. All feelings (or lack of feelings) are genuine and valid. Once you stop putting this pressure on yourself of how you ‘should’ be feeling towards your partner, you may find that those feelings return organically again.

Also if you build up your self-love more, and forgive yourself for everything you are feeling, then in the event that your relationship does end, then you will be in a stronger, happier place to be able to deal with it healthily and forgivingly (I know that isn’t a real word).

I hope this helps! Peace x

Hi Saya,

You mentioned in your post, that your journey on the train ride made you very anxious. Then a few months later, you went into a deep depression, then when you went to visit your friends, although you “loved” kissing and being with your boyfriend, you felt disconnected from your friends, from everything, you felt anxious. That this had been going on for some time. I don’t think this has anything to do with your boyfriend, but that you may be clinically depressed and have anxiety and stress disorder. This is not a character weakness. It is because our brains are not making enough Serotonin and Dopamine, and sometimes it can get worse from October from March, when the days get shorter, this is a part of depression called “SAD” or Seasonal Affective Disorder.

You then stated you tried meds, but did not give them much of a chance because of the lousy way they made you feel. There are different classes of antidepressants. There are SSRI’S..the newest ones, like Zoloft, Paxil, Lexaoro, Prozac is also an SSRI, while these newer meds may work for some, they don’t work for others. I tried them all, and they filled my emotions, spaced me out, and made me feel I was going through the motions. Another class are the SNRI’s, such as Cymbalta..another newer antidepressant. I tried that one too, and it out me in the hospital with bad side effects. They now do “cheek swabs” at Psychiatrist offices and mental Health clinics, this is very new and exciting because they match your DNA, to the best antidepressant for you, without all the trial and error. I had to go through 12 different medications until finding something that worked for me. I am so glad I did not give up. I have my life back. I am on the older antidepressants, Wellbutrin and Remeron. I also take Benzodiazepine for panic and anxiety attacks. I would not give up on meds. Best to try to find a good Psychiatrist or therapist who will find the right med for you. Have a Happy New Year.