So sick and tired of not having good relationhips

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by AceLs.

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April 4, 2017 at 10:15 am #143603

Marc
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Hi, I hope you are all doing well. I am a straight, white heterosexual male. I want to have a family one day. Throughout my entire of life of living (24 years), I have had an immensely difficult time socializing with women (especially white women). I am just not sure what I am doing wrong in terms of socializing with others, but I can’t seem to flirt well at all either. I try to be friendly, polite, and helpful. I really try to bring rapport but it seems when I do that it comes off as forced. I try to be funny, but I am not. When I don’t do this, I seem boring and just a plain “nice guy”. This may seem stereotypical, and it is.But I think it is really effecting me emotionally because I feel so lonely and I am not sure what to do about it. Sometimes, I can’t go to sleep because I wake up from being upset or I start crying. I am starting to think I might have autism. Any help is appreciated. Any books, articles are also welcome.

April 4, 2017 at 10:42 am #143613

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Marc:

All that books and articles can do is to encourage you to get in touch with you, with all that you are deep inside, the authentic you. The authentic you is not “a plain ‘nice guy'” –

It requires a process, to reconnect with and bring out the hiding part of you.

Do you agree to any extent? Aware of such hiding?

anita

April 4, 2017 at 10:46 am #143615

PinkSunrise
Participant

Hi, I am by no means an expert and definitely cannot diagnose autism (only a doctor could confirm that), but I do have a lot of experience in dating. I think your internal dialogue is working against your progress. I would bet most of it is only a lack of self-esteem and not true at all; it seems pretty apparent as this site says that you had already changed your profile picture 3 times (?). Have you considered chatting to females online (POF is a free site I’ve tried, as well as Tinder)? It can be a way to practice and gain experience in communication without putting yourself out there completely. I’ve dated a lot, and I still find myself quiet and nervous often when meeting someone new; at times I’ve even gone as far to search online for questions to ask when getting to know someone.

April 4, 2017 at 11:07 am #143623

Jen
Participant

Hi there,

Have you heard of try and keep trying until you make it? I am also very socially awkward and have a lot of trouble talking with guys I like. But with time things got better, time and practice. You don’t have to socialize with the girls you like or find attractive only. Try to talk with everyone, try to talk with strangers. My counselor advised me this a few months ago and I started by simply smiling to people when I was outside. That changes things, people comes to you and some others just smile and keep going. I started having conversations with strangers, just simple things as complimenting something they were wearing. Sometimes there was a conversation following, sometimes there wasn’t and practice made me realize that is not that hard to talk with strangers.

I don’t think you have autism, if I am correct, autism is diagnosed at an early age when is more noticeable. Try to step out of your comfort zone and maybe talk with some new people, then you may become better at interacting with the girls that you like. I would also recommend to connecting with your inner-self, try some meditations.

good luck,

April 4, 2017 at 1:43 pm #143653
Marc
Participant
Hey guys ! let me respond to you all to the best of my ability, as of right now I am woreking

Anita said,”

It requires a process, to reconnect with and bring out the hiding part of you.

Do you agree to any extent? Aware of such hiding?”

Never considered that apart of myself was hiding….but now that I think of it I think there is. I love being physically intimate…but I have never been able to express that to a woman. I have never even been kissed before by another girl. As a matter of fact, I am itching for touch….I am just not sure what “hiding” would actually mean for myself. I think I might be confused. What could I do after that I find out that I am not expressing something ?

PinkSunrise, Hi. I am not sure why that my profile says I changed my picture three times. That os bizarre ! I swear that’s the only picture I have put up. Yes you are right however, I kid of find it hard to be satisfied with the way I look. I am not obese but…IDK. I have tried Zoosk, it sucked and it was expensive. You think Tinder would be good ?

Jen, I am actually doing what you are saying by the advice of some other people. I just began doing that. The problem that I have is people actually caring that I exist…especially people my age. It seems this may be a wider problem for myself. People don’t seem to want to communicate with me, not just women. I have tried giving my cellphone number out or exchange them…and it just seems that people in general don’t seem to want to communicate with me.
- This reply was modified 7 years ago by tinybuddha.
- This reply was modified 7 years ago by Marc.
April 4, 2017 at 8:26 pm #143697

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Marc:

You wrote that people in general don’t want to communicate with you and you wrote that you suspect you have autism. Best if you see a mental health professional to evaluate yourself. Such evaluation needs to be done by a professional who can see you in person, talk to you in person, hear you answer questions. There are tests given for evaluations, questions and answers and such, as well as going over life history.

I would get a professional evaluation.

anita

April 5, 2017 at 12:26 pm #143749

AceLs
Participant

Hey dude, I’d stop being so hard on yourself. You’re just young & shy & lonely and there’s probably nothing wrong with you. Authentically communicating & connecting with people is hard and part of the reason we all get on this forum is to fill a void and connect with others. You should try and accept yourself but also keep working towards finding those social interactions you desperately need. I do have friends that are very socially awkward & they are completely unaware of how they come across to people. You may wanna find a trusted friend or family member and ask them to be brutally honest with you about how you come across to people but beware, this can be hard to hear & even harder to change
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