Sometimes it crumbles in all ways

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    Dear Elie,

    how are you? I’d like to address something which might be stopping you from continuing the conversation here. In your previous thread, you wrote:

    Eventually ends up making me feel like I’m not capable of being understood due to my own complications inside. And always have deeper feelings beyond what people try to comfort me by.

    On this thread, you reached out for help again, expressed your pain, but you didn’t describe the reasons for your pain. It took several rounds for me to understand roughly what the problem is, to sort of pinpoint what the dynamic is that’s causing you pain. You were thrilled that I “figured it out” (Yes that is very spot on as I’d say, I love how you could figure it out). Perhaps for you it meant that finally, someone understands what you’re trying to say. Because in the past you had the experience of people not understanding you “due to your own complications inside”.

    But when I mentioned it wasn’t easy to figure it out because you were mysterious, and Anita mentioned that you express yourself in a vague manner, perhaps you got the impression again that you’re not understood, or that you’re criticized for being you, for expressing yourself the way you do. So this might have felt like another rejection for you, similar to what you’ve already experience in the past, with your parents or other people.

    I’d like to apologize if I’d hurt you with my remark. I realize now it might have not been on purpose that you express yourself vaguely, and that you talk more about your feelings and impressions and less about the “facts” of what’s going on. It does make it harder for others to understand – specially people who don’t know you – but it’s your style. So I’d like to invite you to keep sharing here, even if you can’t express it super clearly and factually.

    So far you’ve shared that your parents are rather materialistically oriented and have trouble understanding that you don’t have the same ideas about what an ideal job or career means. They put pressure on you and your brother, and it causes both of you stress and harms your well-being. It appears your brother is trying to please them, but he’s breaking down. With your choice of studies, are you too trying to please them? Is it something they think is best for your future career, or it’s something closer to your heart? Please share more if you feel like.


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