March 4, 2014 at 10:12 am #52255CarmenParticipant
Hi Guys! So as you know, I’ve been dealing with a horrible relationship.
But today marks the calendar for a full month of being broken up! The last
time I actually verbally talked to my ex was Feb 6, and it wasnt good. We had
kinda already broke up the day before because he went right back into his old ways
after 2 days of even “trying to work it out”. As much as I loved him, I just couldnt
put myself through that emotional abuse. The day after we broke up I found out
that he decided to go out with friends to a club instead of coming to my house
and be with me, when I asked him if this was true he said yes. I asked is that more’
important than me? He replied yes, said “I cant have a little fun, I wanted
to get drunk” It hurt me so bad because I thought that if youre lucky
enough to even get a second chance why mess it up? I told him at
the end of the day I will find someone that will treat me better than he
EVER did, and he told me to go do that… Said he loved me to death but this
is too much… I guess, of course my voice started to raise because I
was angry! I kept saying over and over 6 years…! I put on so much time
gave every inch of my heart to this relationship and this is what I
get in return?!?! He was the least bit concerned. I then hung up the phone
and it ended us… Two weeks later my friend tells me he posted something
on his page that was disgusting and degrading towards women.
It was the female body coming out of the ocean in different
directions and the title was “When your girl acts up you have
to let her know its plenty other fish in the sea” and his comment
under it was Lol, looks like a good day to go fishing on to the next one.
And he gave his number to a random girl. Of course I was hurt but
I got over thst. The icing on the cake is shortly a couple mins after
he texted me apologizing saying hes sincerely sorry for everything
he put me through and that he would give me some money he owed me
that following week (which i was supposed to have 2 weeks ago)
-_- FOR ONE. your apology is LONG OVERDUE. and why are
you texting me NOW?! I responded hours later and said “Thanks. You
can keep it” Guys!!!! WHY DID HE PROCEED TO SAY OK, I’ll
holler at you later and make sure you doing good in school”?!?!
Um sir! I dont need your check in. How about check on that new girl
youve been conversing with lol. I never responded after
that. I was done. Done with him. Weeks ago
I told him I would NEVER IN LIFE be with him again, and of course
in our heated argument he held that against me, but can you blame me?
He put me through hell and back for years.
Anyway, All feedback is welcomed.
Thanks is advanced!March 4, 2014 at 1:55 pm #52273sandraParticipant
I am not expert in love or anything lol my marriage is caput but with experience comes wisdom. Before i can comment and dig in i will like to know how old you guys are. The one thing i know for a fact that ruined my marriage was my unrealistic expectations on my husband. We got married when we where 24 and as a woman we mature way much faster than men, I compared him to my brothers who were in their 30’s. he does not have to hang out with you all the time, he might need to hang out with his friends and turn up. well i will say more when i get more info. GLMarch 4, 2014 at 2:00 pm #52274KellyParticipant
I’m not sure what kind of feedback you’re looking for. You said you’re done with him, and “NEVER IN LIFE” want to be with him again……….. so……… are you looking for help moving on? This reads like a rant. It’s great to get things off your chest, but I don’t understand what your question is, or if you even have one.March 5, 2014 at 7:24 am #52314ChadParticipant
I’ll share with you some advice that I received after a difficult breakup I went through. I was asking myself the same questions you were, how could he do this? how can he be so callous? how can he be so bitter? However if you are honest with yourself, and as like me, you’ll see your reactions to his behavior really start with you, not him. As someone said on here, expectations. You are doing something, and expecting a specific reaction. You say his apology is long over due, and your expectation of when the apology should have been given wasnt met, therefore you are hurting because of it. Hey, at least he apologized right? You say because he wasnt throwing himself at you and giving you attention during his “second chance” period, he wasnt serious about it. You were expecting him to hit certain marks to show you he cared and he didnt hit them the way you wanted so that makes him a jerk who picks the club over you. Well that very well maybe, and most would agree he’s showing you were his priorities are. You’re going to be satisfied with a man who doesn’t make you a priority? Instead of making reservations on the couch with a pint of hagen das under, pity party of 1. Tell yourself the following: “This person is not giving me what I need/want out of a relationship. He has shown his choices will always be motivated by what he wants, not by what I need. To this, he is his own person, entitled to his own wants needs, beliefs and thoughts. Just because he isnt conforming to mine doesnt make him spiteful or even a “bad person”, it just makes him bad fit for me.” Try to have some compassion and understanding, he is his own person, let him go do him, and you go do you now! You cant control him, nor should you want to be in a relationship that is parent/child instead of equal partners. I know its tough, the freedom from it will come with asking yourself some hard questions as to why this is *really* hurting so much and why you are having a hard time letting go. I think you’ll find the answers have more to do about yourself/insecurities/self esteem than they do about him. By doing this reflection, you take responsibility for yourself, and thus take back your power.
You may love him, and if you’re like me, you love unconditionally, but unconditional love does not imply unconditional relationship. We need to stop being selfish, and getting angry and implode emotionally when our ex’s dont do exactly what we want them to. They are not us, and we arent them. They arent in our lives anymore, we have no rights to them, they dont owe us anything nor do we owe them. Learn the lesson you need to learn from this breakup and take them with you to make your next all the more healthy and fulfilling, and be more selective with who you date and stand up for the way you want to be treated early on. It really does suck Carmen, I wish I could give ya a big hug and tell you it will be ok. I was exactly where you were just a few weeks ago, it all begins and ends within you! and it does get better!