Evvv,

There is something magical about being at zero. Consider that you have nothing to lose! That being said, inside there is plenty to lose. 🙂 I mean that in terms of all the fantasy rejection you go through, as well as the mental cycles. Both use up your energy, which can leave you feeling like you don’t have any energy to create the life you want to live… so you start looking around for an energy source.

First things first, energy. It is a common misconception that we have to look outside ourselves for energy, or that we have to do something to create inner strength. This is not the case. What happens is our inner strength gets used up by unnecessary thoughts… spinning and churning, picturing and imagining. The way we stop this is by noticing that we are caught in a mental loop and step aside.

This is easier said than done, which is why Buddhism is considered a practice. When we sit in meditation we develop concentration, which is what allows us to step out of mental cycles. Eventually the cycles erode and just don’t come up anymore, which allows us to do something else with our strength. For a meditation practice, consider looking around you city for a Buddhist sangha, and inquire about some instruction. They also usually have group meditation, which might help you make some friends that are working with their mind in a similar way. Most well practiced Buddhists I know are great friends.

As for the other pieces, consider that your motivation is pretty selfish right now. You want to work, not to give your efforts to the world, but because you want things. This is normal and reasonable, but its also a less clean fuel. If you consider your strengths, and how much need this world has for what your heart has to offer, then perhaps you could look to see how you can use your time to the benefit of others. I don’t mean that you should be selfless, rather it is generosity that fuels our joy. Going out and trying your best to give your all to your family, employer, friends… this is how we harness raw inspiration and happiness. The universe moves all of us toward harmony, and if we accept that and play along, we feel joy. If we resist it, we feel pain (sometimes as mental cycles, tastelessness, feeling “stuck” etc).

Lastly, it seems like you’ve forgotten how to play. When we were a kid, we could play with a truck for hours and be happy. We could sit with a blank page and crayons and create moments of happiness from nothing but colored wax sticks. How amazing is that? Where’d that version of us go? To find him again, perhaps you could go in front of a mirror and make faces at yourself. Dance, wiggle, make weird noises. Look at how serious you’ve been taking every little thing and even so you are the goofy kid that laughed and laughed. He’s in there, waiting for you to let him out.

Sometimes it is only from a place of zero that we can seen the truth. Yes, there are material desires such as the food you prefer, playing an instrument, driving a car… but those are just obscuring the real desires you have for courage, peace of mind, romantic and platonic love (including self love), and knowing yourself. Attend those needs first, and the others work out with grace. Namaste, distant brother.

With warmth,
Matt

You know your post made me think of one of my favorite quotes by Alan Watts: “The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance”.

The world is your oyster, as long as you keep pushing yourself out that door you will start finding the energy you want! Matt really hit it home on this one, so I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but your whole life is in front of you, start living it! And for the love of goodness do not fear rejection. Every successful person has suffered rejection after rejection after rejection to get where they are today. The key to life isn’t being skillful, its being persistent. Just keep moving forward and you will find your way my friend!

-Dave
personalgrowthproject.com