Still in love…divorcing

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    Dan Hanley

    I met a Pakistani lady on the internet four years ago and we married. I have been living in Islambad Pakistan the past four years away from my two adult children both who reside in the states. I have only seen them twice in four years, which depressed me. Recently, the IRS conducted an audit of my 2011/2012 tax returns and concluded that I owed them $50000. I am retired living on a fixed pension and social security and can no longer afford to support my family in Pakistan. My wife has two adult children by a previous marriage who still live under roof. I am bankrupt.

    I am 64 and my wife is but 52 and looks like she is in her 30’s. I am a dead end street…no money to pay for the daughters’ weddings, no money to travel or do anything. I miss my kids and Pakistan depresses me because of the poverty.

    Recently, I returned to the states alone to attend my daughter’s (by a previous marriage) wedding. When I got to the states, I realized just how much I missed my children and how little I missed Pakistan. I still love my wife and she loves me even though she gets angry at me all the time. When we married she told me that all she wanted in life was peace and happiness. I have not provided that for her.

    Because she is still ‘young’, although it would be painful, I want my wife to divorce me and find another man who is younger, loves her, and can provide for her…I want for her peace and happiness, which she doesn’t have with me. We both still love one another. I cannot afford to live in Pakistan and she doesn’t want to leave to come to the states because of her young daughters living with her. They don’t want to leave because of boy friends. They are 26 and 23 years old. What to do???


    Hi Dan
    Love and marriage are a two-way street. If one person is compromising more than the other party, the relationship often becomes a binding. Listen to your heart and do what feels right to you. It is your well being first and then your family. If you are not happy within yourself, it will become difficult to share a genuine happiness with anyone be it your wife of 4 years or your adult kids.
    May you find the strength to love yourself unconditionally, accept yourself as who you are and spread the same love and acceptance to others. Life is meant to be easy and a joyous journey most of the time. You are 64 and you deserve all the peace and bliss.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
    Dan Hanley

    Thank you, Jasmine…I needed that right now!


    Hey Dan!

    Jasmine is right. When one person makes all the sacrifice for a relationship it builds resentment. Listen to your gut. Its always right.

    Best of luck!

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