Hi,

I wrote a post on here about 7/8 months ago about my breakup. I was with my boyfriend for 6 years. I met him when I was 19, he was my first everything. We grew up together in this relationship and we loved each other very very much. However, it was a long distance relationship which made things very difficult, and as time went by, i realised that althought we were very much in love, we didn’t have any prospects together. We talked about marriage and children, but we disagreed on where to live and whether to get married straight away or move in together. Because of the distance, I insisted that we needed to at least share some time/space together before getting married, to really see what it would be like, but because his family is very religious he kept saying that he was only willing to get married.  He also refused to travel together and every time we went away for the weekend or the night we’d have to lie to his family which I was never ok with. For a long time we put off “the conversation”, because i think we both knew in our hearts that we didn’t want the same things and that, once we had it, that would be it. Towards the end we argued most of the time and we were quite unhappy. I wanted him to make up his mind and to be brave and decide what he really wanted, because I always felt that he was saying no to living together because of his parents and friends, not because he really didn’t want to. He is one of the sweetest, nicest, most caring people I have ever met, but I ketp waiting for him to be brave and stand up for us until I realised it was most likely never going to happen. Finally, 8 months ago he broke up with me because of the constant fighting. He later admitted that he was heavily influenced by friends’ opinions when he did.

Anyways, the point is I went through hell after this breakup. I was a mess and very drepressed for quite some time and it felt like life would never get better. But after a very serious chat with my parents I decided to pick myself up and make some changes. I got a my driving liscense, a new car, a new job and I’m currently studying a masters. Unexpectedly, I found someone else too. I am aware of how great this guy is and that he is everything I wanted my exboyfriend to be: he is clear, ambitious, knows what he wants… but I still find myself hurting over what happened.

Recently, my ex got back in the picture saying he had made the biggest mistake of his life and that he realises what a coward he has been. He says that he is willing to change things… Rationally, I’m aware of the fact that if nothing changed in six years, most likely nothing will. This is just the way he is; he is not a decision maker and he is not brave when it comes to life changes. Although I know this, and I’ve realised he is may not be for me, I still feel so upset and hopeless when I think about us. The hardest thing is the relationship did not end because we no longer loved each other and I’ve had a very hard time accepting that love is not enough to make things work.

I love my new boyfriend, but I feel terrible that I still have these feelings towards my ex. Every now and then I catch myself saying things I used to say to him or doing things I used to do with him and somehow I feel like a bit of a traitor, a cheater. I’m overwhelmed by the complexity of the situation and my feelings for both of them.