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STRUGGLE MARRIAGE AND PAINFUL.

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This topic contains 106 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 3 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #291749

    McCloud Antonov
    Participant

    The time when we were at honey moon !we really stayed  together well as a husband and wife.

    This was I really feels satisfied all the time though I had not taken anything to eat.

    The Time we went to Court I refused to divorce her because I know one day she will come back for her son.  That was the reason .

    Again she was Frank that her father is not taking care of her mother and sibling.

    She said I will leave your house because of that.

    #291755

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gregory:

    This is what you wrote about your estranged wife: “She doesn’t care about (her) son”. This means you must not have her in her son’s life and proceed to divorce her.

    I will use next your words, re-arranged, with a few grammatical/ spelling corrections:

    My wife doesn’t care about her son. She does not.. care for me. She lies to people that she.. is not married. She is a cheater. She loves having friends who are boys… She goes to clubs at night.. just goes and sleeps there. She is a gold digger. Whenever I give her money she gives it to her mother”.

    You wrote earlier: “I love this woman like the way I love flying an AIRPLANE or aircraft”. Reads to me that if you fly this particular airplane again, it will crash.. again.

    You lost 1500 cows, other money, your pilot school, your peace of mind… cut your losses now. Divorce her ASAP (As Soon As Possible) , take full custody of your son and raise him with love, heal your mind and heart.

    Resume your pilot studies and become a certified private plane pilot, fly safely and make good income doing so. With time, you will find love with another woman.

    anita

     

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  anita.
    #291763

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Gregory,

    I am so late for this post, it looks like anita has done a great job advising you!!

    For what it’s worth, if you don’t want to divorce your wife because of cultural reasons, you don’t have to yet.

    Stay legally married to her. Divorce her when your son is older and understands the situation.

    However, I wouldn’t sleep with her without her getting tested. If she has in fact been sleeping around, you don’t want to get a sexually transmitted disease.

    Don’t try to manipulate her into staying. Let her make that decision on her own. But I wouldn’t fight for her that hard. Just raise your son, that is your primary job!

    Best,

    Inky

    #291793

    McCloud Antonov
    Participant

    dear Inky.

    Thanks my dear for the contribution you had done. I think that what I am gonna do.  This world is a confused world whereby you try to show the love with someone but still seeing different things .

    Thanks my dear.

    #291801

    McCloud Antonov
    Participant

    Hello  Anita ,

    Thanks for the nice words.  I was trying to digest all the words you put on the forum here.  Truly beautiful one are not yet born. I am gonna leave her in peace. Since her mother is consistently at her. Using her as a shop then I am done  now.

    I have done a lots even God will not blame me or punish me in either way.

    If she has not admired to be a woman in the house then I can’t force the horse to drink.

    I tried to run after her for years and she is not seeing literally and logically and realistically.

    I know she some days regret and I don’t think she will ever stay in one man.

    Thanks Anita  God blessed you dear.

    Gregory.

    #291803

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gregory:

    You are very welcome and thank you for your kind words.

    Your choices are wise: “I am gonna leave her in peace… I am done now”.

    Like you wrote, you “can’t force the horse to drink” and you can’t force this woman to see and act logically and realistically, nor can you force her to have a heart for this beautiful boy, your son, or the man who loves her so much, you.

    May you continue to make wise choices, resume flight school, fly safely and produce income flying, so you can take care of your son and yourself.

    Anytime you want, please return to this thread, or start a new thread as you wish, and I will be glad to read from you again and again and reply.

    anita

     

    .

    I tried to run after her for years and she is not seeing literally and logically and realistically.

    I know she some days regret and I don’t think she will ever stay in one man.

    #291809

    anita
    Participant

    * Gregory, please ignore the two lines after I my name (these are your lines that I copied as I responded to your post, but forgot to erase).

    anita

    #291821

    McCloud Antonov
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thanks for the great input you had impacted in my situation.  You are really a wises woman like the King Solomon , the wise man on earth.  Yeah I have taken the responsibility of my beloved Son (Chris Agoth Gregory  ) . He is gonna be my brother , my friend as well as my blood son.  He is 2years and half now,  he is in Nairobi -Kenya he is gonna start baby class next year.

    Anita , thanks for the conductive words. You really created some space in my mind. Your Grammatical is amazing and awesome . I know that my English is not perfect. But I can give a trial.

    I want this boy,  that her mother ignore to be a Pilot like me . To fly with me as my “first officer ” F/O or called it Co-Pilot at my right in the cockpit.  I want her mother one of the day pointing at her son saying that is my first born son flying Boeing 727, or Boeing 777 dream liner Kenya airway.

    My Question is Anita,  what if she come and say I want to be my son?  When I had already lose appetite or interest on her?

    What do most women need on earth? ??? Is it a real love from a man who married her? ???

    Women feels demeaned when you live her in the house and a man goes out for another woman or a girl.  I had never did anything like that! ! ! I don’t like what is called engaging outside marriage. I think I may appreciate myself though one should not do that.  She told me not date outside,  if you need anything then you will get it from me.

    The painful part is that , a woman can’t be share like a shoes or a food.

    If I am a twin then God is gonna change things rapidly or gradually. For God and my words.

    Thanks Anita.

    Back to the point of Inky , yeah true I am not gonna divorce her now but I will when her son is grown up to be a man…. And he has study the case. I acknowledge the cooing of this woman.

    #291831

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gregory:

    Thank you again for your kind words, I am smiling right now in appreciation of your words.

    “what if she come and say I want to be (with) my son? When I had already lose appetite or interest in her?”-

    -say NO.

    “What do most women need on earth??? Is is a real love from a man who married her???”-

    -we are all born loving and needing love, all boys and girls are born loving, heart soft and open, trusting their parents completely.

    All of us get somewhat hurt by our parents, a bit, if not a whole lot. When we get hurt a lot, as children, our hearts become hard and closed. Some people’s hearts are still soft-enough, like your heart, Gregory, you are still loving, you still want to please others, you care about being kind to people.

    But many people, their hearts have so little softness, too hard and too closed. Every person has moments when you can see softness, but there is too little of it. You may get confused by those moments and think- this person is loving!- but not so, these are only loving moments that you observe.

    People with mostly hard and closed hearts, like your estranged wife, what does she “need on earth… real love from a man who married her?”-

    -women with hard and closed hearts want such things as money, power, revenge, excitement, entertainment, opportunities to brag to others about what they own, and so forth.

    So if your estranged wife comes to you (“what if she come and say I want to be (with) my son?”), it may very well be that she will want to have your son as something she owns, something to show off to others and brag about, and worse, she may want your son so to have power over him, it is easy to have power over a child. And she may want to have power over you, and mistreat you and your son.

    A summary of my answers: a woman with a soft-enough,  open heart wants love from a man who will marry her. But a woman with a hard, closed heart wants power-over others, she wants to show off and brag, and too often, she wants to punish and take revenge for what happened to her long ago, when she was a child. (She will not punish her parents.. she will punish her husband and her children).

    To the rest of your post: “a woman can’t be shared like a shoe or a food”- I understand and I agree, one woman- one man in a trusting, respectful and loyal, monogamous relationship. Make sure that in the future you know a woman well before you get involved with her, make sure her heart is soft-enough, and that she too believes in the same kind of relationship as you do.

    Your son, Chris Agoth Gregory, in Nairobi- Kenya will be going to baby class never year. How exciting for him! His heart is still soft, isn’t it. Protect his heart so it doesn’t get hard and closed. Protect him from his own mother whose heart is hard and closed.

    I don’t know anything about the legal proceedings where you live, but IF divorcing her is possible and IF it will protect your son (now and/ or later), do divorce her.

    When you become a certified pilot, Chris Agoth Gregory will be thrilled to fly with his father as his first officer,  co-pilot at your right, in the cockpit!

    “I want his mother one of the day pointing at her son saying that is my first born son flying Boeing 727..”- if his mother with a hard heart brags about her son flying an airplane, that is just bragging, no love in it. Don’t encourage that to happen.

    And again, post anytime you would like and I will reply.

    anita

     

     

    #291851

    McCloud Antonov
    Participant

    Hello Dear Anita,

    Wow this is amazing and adorable advice just for free!  You truly deserve to be here in this forum. Anita , I appreciate your input into this matter that been terrible .

    My heart is a bit sober now,  through your shining advice the brought back my senses and my heart into it center . Thanks for the advice we have shared . Wider than the ocean , bigger than the sky you are really good to be here to deal with such amicably.

    I have known a million people Anita , but ever one like you. Many of my friends are special but I still don’t have a clue.  How you got to be so wonderful Anita,  the world’s most perfect mother of such a situation. You have always loved to helped people of such a prevailing condition .

    You truly sense a major disconnect between me and my estrange wife. After dealing how the situation is ! Or based on how you studied her with her character.

    She is absolutely too prideful , too arrogant,  too bleaching…..  I told her to swallow her pride but still.  You actually definitely hit the nail on it.  She is a master price,  a materialistic girl with her mother.

    I thought that nothing good,  come out of a good place.  That is why I have been running after her. Trees of patience of fruits are bitter. I thought she would change be a better one.  How you describe her exactly suit with her. Her heart is hard and closed pretending to be open minded humans but wapi. I owe my change of loving her towards her now.

    I would say that marrying of this girl has significant changed my way of thinking , my view of the world and has afforded me the opportunity to realize my potential and how I will study the girl when I have the interest of dating others in the future.   Either way the real cause can be unearthed through her mother whom they have open communication.  We have done a lots of nonsense confrontation discussion on the way of to be a good woman but in vain.   She is trying to go for a man who is having a lots of  money in order to build a house for her mother according to what she said.

    Yes it true,  there are no angels in this world and every man or woman has some shortcomings here and there.  There are women  I know out there  who had a dirty past but  now they are happy but still fake. She has Crucify me and my plan! !! Thinking that by leaving me she will find that perfect person than me. I thought she will join me and makes a progress of our life  ,because only two people can mould each other to their own model of perfection and stand hand in hand through the thick and thin.

    She is now on a deep pain too!  Due to missing his son! !!

    Anita my heart is melting with your advice

    Thanks my dear.

    You definitely stood by my side.

    You are now my mother.

    Since I lost my mother in 2013 the year of my High school.

    All the best  Anita.

    Gregory

    #291865

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gregory:

    Your words touched my heart, being referred to”the world’s most perfect mother”, and then, “you are now my mother”, this is most affectionate on your part, and I am honored. Thank you!

    “I will study the girl when I have the interest of dating others in the future”- wise choice.

    “She is trying to go for a man who is having a lots of money in order to build a house for her mother according to what she said”- a girl trying to please her mother still, trying to buy her mother’s love with a house. See, her heart is open in the direction of her mother, but it is closed in your direction and in the direction of her own son. It is a strong force, this desire to finally get a parent’s love, it is a stronger attachment than any other.

    Imagine this: you go to her, to  your estranged wife, and you tell her something like: I understand you are trying to buy your mother’s love, that you want her love more than anything, but look here: I love you! And look at this child, your child, he loves you! We have lots of love for you!-

    – but it will not do for her. What is likely to happen is that if she lives with you, she will take your money and give it to her mother, try to build that house for her mother. She will take money away from her own son and give it to her mother. What a waste that will be, more waste than you already suffered. It will be a waste because she will never make her mother love her, she will keep trying and trying, taking away from you and your son.

    “I thought she will join me and makes a progress of our life, because only two  people..”- problem is there is a third person, her mother, and your estranged wife’s heart is open to her mother on a regular basis (not only during a moment here and there, isolated moments when she may be open to  others, and then… close again).

    “She is now in a deep  pain too! Due to missing her son!”- I don’t know if it is true, maybe you think it is because we imagine mothers needing their children, but it is far from being the case always, often, it is not. It is the child who needs the mother way more often than the mother needing the child.

    Also be aware that what your estranged wife says is sometimes true and often, it is not true. It is difficult to know, in a mixture of truths and lies, where the truth is and where the lies. Better examine her behavior so to determine her truth, not accept her words. It is too easy to lie.

    To determine if she means something she says, think: what may be her motivation? I will be glad to help you to determine her truth vs lies when in the future that will need to be determined.

    anita

    #291919

    McCloud Antonov
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    You absolutely describe her in very realistic ways of being that girl.

    Thank you for your words and smiling at my appreciation to you.

    Indeed you one in a million perfect mother who does not get fade up to reply anyone who is in need.

    Exactly she is buying her mother’s love ,, ,, and perhaps they are also in the same boat ? because of supporting each other though it’s something bad to hated by the people.

    Anita , instead of going to her and tell the two statements you had said to asked her,

    Can I just send her SMS  message and she will read it BT herself and wait for the reply.

    Anita,  what view do you see on her about this girl who is desperately in need of money all the time?  Do you see future on her?

    Will she be happy to where she is targeting to go to?  On the other hand,  this girl does not go along with her mother manipulate sometimes , they things that this woman did to her daughter is by going to witchcraft in order to change her daughter heart and mind.

    Everyone has given up and conclusion said let them go to whoever man the need to be with.

    Thanks Anita , I am so proud of you mummy.

    I try to delete the numbers of my mother in-laws in my phone because I had nothing to do with it because we don’t talk to each other.

    May Abba  Father you more things Anita.

    Thanks.

    Gregory.

    #292011

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gregory:

    You are welcome and thank you for your good wishes for me!

    “she is buying her mother’s love.. and perhaps they are also in the same boat”- no, a child (of any age) chasing after a mother’s love is never in the same boat with the  parent. She is chasing something she thinks only her mother has. In her mind, her mother is very powerful.

    “Can I just send her SMS message… and wait for the reply”- you are welcome to post to me what you want to write in that SMS message. Try your best to be very clear so that I can understand the message.

    “what view do you see .. about this girl who is desperately in need of money all the time? Do you see future on her?”- you shared that she wants money so to buy a home for her mother. The future I see for you, if you get back together with her, is that she will take money from your son, deprive your son from what he needs, and give it to her mother.

    “this girl does not go along with her mother manipulate sometimes”- if she is manipulated enough to send your money, the money that should go to your son and to your pilot school (so that you can earn money as a pilot), and give it to her mother, it is enough of a manipulation to make it a bad, bad plan for you to get back with her.

    anita

    #292069

    McCloud Antonov
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear Anita ,</p>
    Thanks a lots dear friend . I am so precious .

    Ythe message is,

     

    Dear Ayong,  good morning.  I understand we have got difficult times to understand ourselves due to the fact that we , are being tempted by the devil.

    If the world is being full of devil , to deal with people who were be together from the day one. The painful thing on earth is to leave your own innocence son.

    Kindly file everything that upsets you on me under the pillow . And u promise u you will never leave your son and go for another man.  Your door is open anytime you wish to see or come back for your.      You are free to.

    Anita , kindly correct me the phrase of the message .

    Thank you for your cooperation and great hospitality.

    Gregory 

    #292121

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gregory:

    In your message to Ayong you tell her that she can come back to you anytime she wants to, that your door is open to her, and the only thing you ask her is to promise you to never leave her son “and go for another man”.

    In page 1 of your thread you wrote to  me that you are done with Ayong.

    You changed your mind then?

    anita

     

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