Dear Anita & Teak,

Thank you again for your replies. I have been taking some time to care for my sick father, but at the same time, help my ex partner move to her new flat.

Anita – thank you for your advice and for listening. I have been trying to practice the things that have been kind to my heart and mind, but have struggled to find the time. It has been over a week since my ex moved out, and although the anxiety seems to have lessened, it has been replaced with a somewhat low level depressive feeling. I feel this is normal, as I naturally miss her company and living with another person. I feel this may improve with time. Additionally, with health concerns for my father, disputes with my soon to be ex landlord, and some concern on completing the sale of my new flat before having to leave this house, I do still feel unsettled. PS, I’m glad to hear it’s a much more stable temperature for you now 🙂

Teak – You are right, it has felt more like the big change with my ex moving physically out of the house. Over a week now, but like I mentioned to Anita above, my feelings manifest themselves as more depressive, or lonely right now, which I do feel is normal considering the fact that I have never really lived on my own. I thought that maybe things would appear clearer after my ex moved out, but then there is the major hurdle of me moving to my new place, that I would so much love to be done now. I am constantly waiting on solicitors and estate agents to get things done, and they are giving me no assurances that I won’t be homeless come the end of the month. But I am trying not to stress too much.

I feel like I am talking to you both near the end of a difficult time. I think there was always going to be unsettled and stressed feelings ending this relationship and buying a property at the same time, having you here, to discuss these things with, has been so unbelievably helpful. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, endlessly. Your understanding words, and listening ears are comfort for me.

I hope you are both well and life is treating you kindly?

D

Hi Anita and Teak,

Apologies for not replying in some time. It has been a very busy time, since I last wrote, my landlord started building works (for her own benefit) without our permission, so we had a long argumentative time with her. My house sale finally went through, so I spent a while moving my things, but also helping my ex move to her new flat. My father, who I care for, had a fall, and has just come out of hospital again, but things are difficult with his carers. Although I kept up with some of my mindful practices, some of them stopped, due to the stress day to day.

My move only happened in the last few weeks, so I have been mentally and physically exhausted, but now I do feel a lot more settled and happy in my new home. But like we’ve talked about, I sometimes feel lonely. One of the things that worries me a little (and something I haven’t felt before), is pressure in life of having children and ‘settling’ down. Now I’m 31, even my very supportive mother jokes about things like “don’t leave it too long”. But what people fail to realise is, I would love to meet a life partner and have a child, but you can’t force these things. I sometimes worry about how to meet people, I am a very socially confident person, but as a lot of people at my age, I have the same group of friends, most of which are in couples, so I don’t find myself in places with many single people, so I’m trying to work out how to open more of these doors. There is of course dating apps, but I still have some skepticism.

Anita – I have just begun again, the writing you’ve suggested, free flowing, and it is very cathartic. Thank you for suggesting it. I am going to keep it up. Your support and kind words, as always, are so appreciated. I hope you are doing well?

Teak – I agree, I feel I do have a lovely friendship with my ex now, and I have been trying to continue the things that I mentioned above, but like I mentioned, through the last few weeks/months, things have been a little more stressful and up and down. But I am aware that sometimes life doesn’t move in a straight line, and there will be ups and downs. I love and appreciate this platform I have here to share my thoughts and feelings, it is a constant source of warmth and compassion when I think about it. Thank you from my heart. I hope life is treating you well?

All in all, following the expected difficult ups and downs, I am feeling ok, but just worried about meeting people. But I am, as always, grateful of the things I have in my life.

My best wishes to you both, and thank you again.

D

Hey Anita,

You’re right, before my dad had a stroke a couple years back, I never realised how impactful a seemingly small fall could be. He’s had several since he was disabled, but this lead to the longest time in hospital. He does try to stay mobile to help with his balance, but the risk is always there.

You are right about the apps, I sometimes feel however that as a man who has gone bald, it is a bit disheartening at the lack of interest on apps, as they are usually based on a small bio and several pictures. But that didn’t stop me in the past, and shouldn’t stop me now.

I would love to hear your ideas for the interviewing? 🙂 Thank you.

All the best,

Dave