Bed time for me. Good night, Daniel. Be back in about 12 hours or so.
anita

Thank you and Good Morning, Daniel. New day.
anita

Dear Daniel:

I am here, six hours after you posted the above. Talk to me…

anita

Dear Daniel:

On January 17 you asked me: “When the child turns older, isn’t it his job to be independent? To be self motivated, to be responsible, to be everything an adult should be?And if he cannot achieve the above, isn’t he responsible for his own predicament/downfall?”

I answered you: “When the child turns older and his needs and feelings are filed away in a dark basement in a folder marked “unimportant/ no one cares”- then it is the job of the now-adult to go down to the basement, brush off the dust from that folder, open it, welcome his needs and feelings back into his adult brain and body, and let those welcomed needs and feelings bring life into him. That life is the motivation he needed all along, the motivation to initiate and persist through difficulties”.

There is no actual basement and so you cannot literally walk down to that basement. It is a figurative basement that literally exists as neuropathways in the brain. Quality psychotherapy is the best place to figuratively go down that basement, and literally, make new neuropathways to correct those that exist.

You are not responsible for the neuropathways formed in your childhood. You are the only one who can correct those, with help. It is not easy.

I would say, quality psychotherapy, at this point, is what I would do in your place, in your circumstances.

anita

Dear Daniel:

I think that counseling is considered psychotherapy but many psychotherapists/ counselors are not good enough to make a real difference. This is why I wrote “quality psychotherapy”.

Tell me what has your counseling been like for four years: did you see the counselor regularly, how often? What happens during sessions, do you learn anything/ feel better afterwards?

And what difference has it made for you, if any?

anita