I have spent most of my adult life in a series of setbacks , knock downs and put downs.Despite all my efforts I find that it has combined to leave me in a state where I am fearful even of friends.

A relationship which turned sour was initially to blame but then i took it upon myself to finish of the work started by other and keep on knocking myself back.Part of this was due to a Karmic effect yes but another was due to not accepting that I could not meet a set standard and could not ever.Perhaps subtle forms of envy or jealousy played their part, or initial overconfidence that resulted in a shattered self image when proven false by society.

Society has a burning eye when it focuses upon you and judges you for everything you have done like the Thought Police- I have since learned that this can be something you actively combat within yourself, within your mind and spirit, when you reject Evil notions and Negativity.I find the greatest aid is that of being able to discern things through the fog , How do you do that when stress, anxiety and pressure have already taken hold of you.Trusting loved ones is a help, at this stage I have very few , at some stage however we will all be alone with our feelings.Many I feel succumb at this point to a sensation of eternal gloom , other give an impression of being eternally happy but it can also just be an illusion.

feel the light of love glowing from within yourself!

Solitude however has brought some surprising results to my life, by eliminating all the negative voices from my head and surroundings I have come to realize that yes, there are forms of destruction operating in our lives which we cannot see or which we have to bring forth into the light before we can effectively kill them off and be rid of them.I feel so sad for all the people who suffer from the fog of mental confusion which clouds out everything, the addicts, the killers,and those who hurt others because without compassion we still have no capacity to discern- Even those who claim to leave a trouble free life or seem to and rebuke you for your failings are just as much in the dark!

there are some things out there which want to stunt your growth as a person, which want to kill you off before you are born. Accepting this is key to the realization of personal advancement , the next step is to retreat and select a new direction; this may radically alter some aspects of our lives but in essence will not change the core of who we are inside.Often I feel that it’s the negative forces are those which want to change our core the experience of improvisation and bullying have reinforced that belief .We identify our friends by smiling back at those who don’t want us to change our core.Tears tell the truth.

to anyone who feels the same , know that even though our lives may be destroyed at some point, we have another extraordinary capacity for re-birth which far exceeds the damage done by any stunting or stigmatization and that we should be proud of our scars rather than ashamed because there is no way we are going to get through life without them