Hi Yohannes, I just want to say that I used to be in your position, where I thought that I was useless and should have given up. However, everytime I am thinking about suicide or other harmful actions, I can’t stop but to think about what will happen next if I ever do it. I don’t want to leave my lovely family because they have been so kind to me and I want to repay them, and I don’t want to give up now because I have been fighting and searching for a reason to live in this world. If I give up now then all of my sacrifices were in vain so I decide that I am going to fight more because I was able to do that in the past so there is no reason I can’t now. You should focus more on the positive side of your life. As an example, you have a caring girlfriend right? Do you really want to make her disappointed? Don’t you want to make her happy? Remember, life is full of surprise, you will never know what will happen in the next day. Maybe life has prepared something wonderful for you, all you need to do is just to keep fighting and wait for it. Even though I have a lot of negative thoughts in my mind and my life is not as bright as others, I have a belief that, in the end, everything is gonna be fine. That belief is the one that keeps me going, so please don’t give up… Everyone is also fighting just like you, you are not alone 🙂

Hi again Yohannes,
please please seek some help and open up to someone about how you are feeling, there are genuine people out there who will be more than ready to give you the support and help that you need right now. Don’t be afraid to get help, lots of us have experienced or are experiencing problems similar to yours and know the desperation you are talking about, and the pain that you want to get out of. You really are worth a million regardless of the lack of a job currently, or the lack of education.( A friend of mine started studying at the age of 50 something, and loved and appreciated it all the more because she was really ready to do it!). Your girlfriend wouldn’t still be with you if she didn’t feel strongly about you, and I bet she would never want to be without you!!! Your dog would be heartbroken if you weren’t around, their bond with humans is so strong, they feel loss too :-(. Try to make a little plan of taking your dog for a lovely walk in the park each day, and before long you may find that being out in the fresh air, meeting other people and seeing nature around you may help a tiny bit at least? Maybe you could gradually build up a few more minutes each day, and in time perhaps two walks a day…..? You will feel happier knowing that your lovely dog is enjoying him/herself. While you are walking you could try to remember some of the things you used to enjoy when you were feeling happier, maybe some kind of sport/art/music etc. Perhaps you could start to listen to your favourite music for a while each day, music can be great for lifting the spirits too. Another idea would be to make two lists opposite each other, one of the problems you are experiencing, eg unemployed, or lack of education, etc, and in the other column a list of simple alternatives even if they are not total solutions – for example, you may feel that you are not as educated as you would like to be, but perhaps you could borrow a book from the library on your favourite subject and learn some more about it? I think the key thing with all of this is DON’T GIVE UP, THERE IS HELP OUT THERE, and there may be other solutions even if they are not directly the ones you were expecting to have or achieve? We are all still out here rooting for you, and really want you to get some medical help now!!!!!!!!!!! One day you will look back and won’t be able to believe how you managed to pull yourself up out of these feelings and this situation, but you will. There is one thing sure about life and that is that it constantly changes, so even depressive type feelings have to change at some point :-). Surround yourself with people who you love, and most of all love yourself and give yourself a great big break. It is not your fault that you don’t have work, it is not your fault that you have not had the education you would have liked to have, it is also not your fault that you do not have your family around you. You are a decent person who has had some rough times and deserves peace and happiness, maybe you will find a little of that when you stop blaming yourself, and thinking your girlfriend would be better off without you? If you ask her I am sure she wouldn’t want to be without you for a month, let alone a lifetime. A tiny thing that can sometimes help a little is to write a gratitude journal – something like this (3 things each day?): I am grateful that my dog came and sat with me when I was feeling so sad. I am grateful that my friends on Tiny Buddha are all rooting for me :-). I am grateful that my girlfriend came home from work and spent time with me. etc. Please let us know how you get on with seeking some help, and also if any of the little ideas help. I (and others) will be looking out for your next post, so cut yourself a great big slack, do some little things you enjoy, and get help asap.
All best wishes, sunshine and smiles sent your way, and all fingers and toes crossed for the best help possible for you! Sarah – Jane.

Hi Yohannes,
how are you doing now? Did you go to see your Dr to seek help? I really do hope so. We are all still thinking of you and rooting for you out here. I hope that some of the posts have made you realize that you are a lovely person, and should not be defined by any job that you do or don’t have. I hope that your dog is continuing to give you a reason to keep on keeping on, and hope that the sunshine and light are shining upon you. Sending you hugs, smiles and every best wish for better days.
Sarah-Jane

Dear Yohannes, you are not a DISAPPOINTMENT to me, or to anyone else on Tiny Buddha. You are a decent unique human being who is having a desperately difficult time of it. I know you said you don’t want to be average, but you are not, you are a special person who needs some medical help, and I am sure there are many people out there who would be more than willing to help you, if only you could talk to them and tell them exactly how you are feeling? Have you told your girlfriend how bad you are feeling now? Perhaps she could come with you to seek some help, and it is surprising how much different things can feel if only you don’t have to feel you are on your own with all of your feelings. Don’t forget your lovely dog is relying on you too, and dogs are very sensitive animals I am sure he/she knows you are suffering too. Please, please, seek some help straightaway. If you cannot face explaining to a Dr how you are feeling write it down and give it to them to read before they see you. Another avenue would be to call someone like the ‘Samaritans’, I don’t know if you have them in your country, but any agency who offers a confidential listening ear? People say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, so in essence this means that things won’t always be this way, even though it must feel like that right now. I do understand some of how you are feeling as I am suffering from depression/anxiety and suicidal feelings too, so I know it is a constant struggle, but please don’t give up!!! One day you and your girlfriend will look back on these rough times and in awe of how you managed to get through them! Please write again on your Topic and keep in touch with all of your Tiny Buddha friends out here, we are all thinking of you, and want you to be safe in the knowledge we all want to offer our support and love to you. Sending you a big sack of smiles and loads of love and best wishes for better days.
Sarah-Jane

It’s truly heartening to learn that you have discovered a sense of peace and happiness following a challenging period with your extended family. It’s completely natural to explore various avenues and search for something that aligns with your inner self. Buddhism, with its profound teachings and practices, offers valuable insights that foster mindfulness, tranquility, and personal development.