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Superficially happy but deeply sad.

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  • September 4, 2017 at 3:12 pm #166916
    Cinnamonhamster
    Participant

    I often feel sad and lonely, for what to most people would seem quite trivial reasons. I am under 16 and have always been quite shy, and I have difficulty making friends, unlike my temperamental social butterfly sister. My best friend struggles with anxiety so is only rarely in school and my few other friends are very nice but not as kind and understanding as she is. My parents often ask me to amuse my sister, at home and elsewhere, as they sometimes find her a little difficult and don’t want her tantrums to embarrass or bother them. I don’t mind helping out a bit around the house as my parents do a lot but I often feel under-appreciated for what I do. As someone who naturally relies heavily on validation from other people and who has very low self-esteem  this is problematic but there is no-one who wants to hear my problems or comfort me when I cry (which is much too often). I also don’t want to use others or take them for granted.

    I’m also worried about showing my true self to other people, as I never quite grew up, and am still very childish at home, so I get stressed when we have visitors as I can never relax with others around. We moved to England after living abroad when I was 3, so I couldn’t speak much English until I was 4, when I started school. For these reasons, and my lack of friend-making skills, I have only 2 friends from primary school, both of whom have gone their separate ways. I spend all my money on gifts for family and friends, and am left with very little for myself.

    To most people, though, I seem a perfectly happy but quiet girl with skills in languages (but not much else).

    I’m sorry for all this, and to those who have real and appropriate reasons to be sad.

    Cinnamonhamster

    September 4, 2017 at 6:08 pm #166924
    Patrick
    Participant

    Dear Cinnamonhamster,

    This sounds like you have a poor self-image and you, like you said, seek validation from others. Many people depend on you, but they do not take the time to tell you how much you are appreciated. What you are is beautiful and abundant. Your parents sound like they are too occupied with their external lives to realize their little girl just wants their attention and to see the beautiful, amazing girl that has so much to offer the world. That being said, you are scared to show the world who you are, because you are afraid it may not be good enough to warrant people’s attention. And do not think that this is an “inappropriate” reason to be sad. You have every right to be sad, and you just need the appreciation you deserve.

    Now, I would suggest speaking with your parents about how you feel. No matter what, they are a big part of your life, and affect you in many emotional ways. Communicating your sadness may make them realize the burden they place on you by having you take care of your sister and doing things around the house a lot. That being said, you should also place some appreciation in yourself. You live so fully to other people, you sound like you forget to give yourself the same love and kindness you give to others. Life has given you friends and taken them away and I promise that a person like you will not make a million friends, but rather make a few deeply connected friendships. You will find friends who truly appreciate you, just keep on being the kind soul you are.

    Cinnamonhamster, your sadness is very real, and your reasons for being sad are not inappropriate. Talk to your parents about your sadness and do not forget to give yourself some love, because you absolutely deserve it.

    Pat

    September 5, 2017 at 11:20 am #167058
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cinnamonhamster:

    You wrote: “My parents often ask me to amuse my sister, at home and elsewhere, as they sometimes find her a little difficult and don’t want her tantrums to embarrass or bother them”-

    For my better understanding, I ask: Can you explain what you mean by your sister being “a little difficult” and what her tantrums look like? And in what ways do you amuse her?

    anita

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