July 9, 2018 at 4:25 pm #216033
Does anyone else find it normal? It takes me so much mental and physical and emotional energy to live. I feel absolutely drained when I come home after a long day. It’s not even that my job is very difficult or the people there are rude to me…or that my life in general is difficult. Just simple things take a lot of energy for me. Smiling and being polite to people at the store because I know how hard it is to work in retail. Listening and sympathizing with family and colleagues. Trying to learn in my courses. Driving here and there.
Ita strange but when I spend the day doing something physical I am not tired. For example, spending an entire day touring a city by foot is simple, doing sporty activities is simple. But trying to put on a face with every person I talk to, trying to understand people’s emotions, replaying past hurts and other people’s words in my head, being upset over not being good enough, it’s all too much. It’s almost like I don’t get any real enjoyment for the amount of emotional work I put in.July 10, 2018 at 5:08 am #216097
Anxiety is exhausting. Having ongoing conflicts is exhausting. Having arguments in one’s head, those imaginary conversations with others, that is exhausting. All that unnecessary mental activity is exhausting. To have silence in between one’s ears, oh, that is refreshing. That is wonderful.
anitaJuly 10, 2018 at 2:50 pm #216197
Yes I very much relate and find it normal that when we think we are putting on a face and are not good enough we are going to lose energy
But trying to put on a face with every person I talk to, trying to understand people’s emotions, replaying past hurts and other people’s words in my head, being upset over not being good enough, it’s all too much.
Its sounds like you’re an introvert, if so its normal that engaging with others would take more energy.
In Buddhism part of the idea of the middle way is that you enter the flow instead of resisting the flow. It is in when you’re in the flow that you have access to all the energy you need. It is at the extremes that we feel the loss of energy, or expending more energy then we are creating.
Part of the loss of energy your feeling comes from the labels your attaching to the experience – putting on a face, trying to understand other emotions, replaying the past. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. The good news is you identified the area you need to work on to find a middle way. Is it possible to interact with others without thinking your putting on a face? Do you always have to understand others feelings? Does replaying conversations over and over again help you? Is judging yourself as not being good enough helpful or a mass energy suck?