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The Betrayal We Buried: Healing Through Truth & Connection

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  • #444554
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Reader:

    Early-life betrayal—especially from parents or caregivers—profoundly shape the way we experience reality, trust, and connection.

    When a child is betrayed through neglect, emotional manipulation, or outright abuse, it creates pain too overwhelming to fully process at that early stage of development. Because the attachment to caregivers is crucial for survival, the child may instinctively suppress or repress their emotions to avoid confronting a painful truth:

    “If I acknowledge how hurt I am, it will mean I can’t trust those who are supposed to care for me.”

    Instead of processing the betrayal, the child buries his or her emotions, disconnecting from one’s own feelings as a defense mechanism. This suppression prevents the child from fully integrating his or her experiences, leaving wounds unresolved—creating a separation within.

    Since emotional suppression blocks direct confrontation with betrayal, self-doubt begins to creep in:

    “Did this really happen the way I think it did?”

    “Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe I’m the problem.”

    In an attempt to preserve a sense of security, the child’s mind begins rationalizing or distorting reality—minimizing the truth of what happened, gaslighting oneself, and doubting one’s own emotions. This leads to an inner blindness—an inability to fully trust one’s own perceptions, deepening the separation within.

    As the child grows into adulthood, this inner disconnection—the inability to trust one’s own emotions and interpretations—manifests externally:

    The now adult doubts people’s intentions, fearing betrayal even when it isn’t present.

    The person struggles to recognize harmful patterns, leaving him or her vulnerable to further manipulation.

    The person avoids deep connection, because if one’s emotional system doesn’t trust its own signals, intimacy feels dangerous.

    Without a clear sense of reality, the person misinterprets situations, overreacts to perceived threats, or becomes overly guarded—blocking genuine relationships.

    Breaking this cycle requires unearthing buried emotions and validating the original betrayal for what it was. When people acknowledge their early trauma—not just logically, but emotionally—they can reclaim their ability to see clearly, trust their perceptions, and form healthy connections.

    Healing involves:

    * Recognizing and processing repressed or suppressed emotions

    * Affirming that the betrayal was real and not the child’s fault

    * Rebuilding trust in one’s own emotional signals and perceptions

    When inner disconnection starts to heal, external relationships become more authentic—true intimacy becomes possible, and the cycle of separation begins to dissolve.

    anita

    #444558
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Reader:

    In my posts on this thread, I will seek to reconnect with the betrayal I buried—to see it as it truly was. In doing so, I hope to uncover the emotions long suppressed within me, to bridge the gaps, to heal the separations within. My journey is one of moving from self-fragmentation to self-integration, of restoring inner connection so that I may also connect outward—with you, the person reading this.

    Here I go: It was scary—very scary. It felt like being suspended in the air, never knowing when I would hit the ground, completely crash, and cease to exist.

    I was suspended in the air, suspended in time—five decades of time—focused on one thing only: not falling, not dying.

    There was no time to live. No time to look outward—to people, to play, to connection, to love. No time for long-term planning.

    There was this special person in my life carrying the title mother. I loved her. I needed her. But she turned away from me—otherwise occupied. And when she did turn toward me, it was too often with hostility, criticism, accusations, shaming, and guilt-tripping.

    None of it was justified.

    When she turned toward me with affection, I couldn’t accept it—because the hostility lingered. Because more hostility was always yet to come.

    I recounted some of the same memories with her, again and again. Yet I never stopped gaslighting myself—not completely. Some part of me was still working to convince myself that something really bad happened, that I wasn’t making it up.

    People told me—I told myself—”Let her go!” But I say:

    I will—when I stop gaslighting myself. I will—when I reclaim the parts of me that I buried deep down. I will—when I reconnect to the emotions I repressed and suppressed.

    More later.

    anita

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