July 9, 2019 at 10:43 am #302587
Thank you, Peggy. I truly appreciate that. I truly try to make things better for myself. That’s why I’ve been seeing a life coach (and a faithful dog to keep me company). Sometimes I get so caught up in my problems that I just wish that they could go away immediately. I know it takes time and I get impatient sometimes.
I do have problems with self esteem. It’s been a part of me all my life and I know conquering it takes a lot of time. I do know I need to take better care of myself and I truly want to. I just don’t know how to make time so I just keep myself docile by gluing myself to the computer. I want more for myself. I don’t want to be docile anymore. I truly try to do better like reading more. I love books and I want to read more. Sometimes I get so tired from school and work that I don’t want to do anything else but be docile.
I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m making excuse after excuse. I suppose I’m venting a little but I’m honestly trying to break this cycle that I’m in. I’m just not sure how do it. Feels like there just aren’t enough hours in the day. I just want what’s best for me.July 9, 2019 at 2:25 pm #302643
Working and studying is quite a tall order. I understand where you are coming from. The last thing you need to be doing is more reading – you need a break from all that mental stuff. That’s why physical exercise would be good for you so I do hope you will follow through on yoga or tai chi which encourages you to focus on your body through movement. Perhaps you’ll be able to do a little more when you have your break in September.
Try and take lots of mini breaks through your day where you get up from your desk. Give your eyes frequent rests from the computer and loosen your body up by shaking out from your arms and legs. This might just be enough to make a difference.
Focussing on problems takes up a lot of mental energy and makes them appear larger. It would be good if you could have some sort of strategy in place to deal with them. (I assume these are not just work/study related).
Hope this helps.
PeggyJuly 11, 2019 at 10:59 am #302931
I wanted to say thank you all for your suggestions and advice. It really means a lot to me. A revelation struck me the other day and I though I’d share it with you all.
After giving it much thought. It came to my attention that I put to much unneeded mental pressure on myself. Like, I make things a bigger deal than they truly are. Yes, while school is important and means a lot to me, I see that I can still succeed without the excess internal pressure I stir within myself. Just this morning, I was doing a regular assignment for school (nothing too big). I saw the assignment for what it really was and completed it without pushing myself too hard. I’ll start doing things bit by bit and not pressure myself by looking at this as a whole.
I’m kinda my own worst enemy but I’m trying to convert this enemy into a friend. Thanks again for all your supportJuly 11, 2019 at 11:31 pm #303009
This is a big step forward – something has shifted in you. I’m so pleased for you.
Wishing you every success for the future.
PeggyJuly 12, 2019 at 10:25 pm #303121
Please know you are not alone in your feelings and experience of life. If you haven’t already read it, I highly recommend Elaine Aron’s now classic book, “The Highly Sensitive Person” (first published in the late 90s). There is also a companion workbook with the same title, which I found very helpful in helping me identify and work to minimize my stress triggers. Of course, reading books about relaxation tips is easier than putting them into practice, esp. in this increasingly fast-paced, noisy, crowded, 24/7 connected world…:).
But this book was a lifesaver for me. Until I found and read it, I felt very alone in my “different-ness”–like there was something terribly wrong with just me. I now realize I am in good company. In fact, after comparing notes with my non-HSP friends, I realize that our burnout feelings are not unusual–even among non-HSP–but simply often a very sane, rational response to life in a fast-paced, hectic, crowded, noisy world fraught with increased workplace/life imbalance. I have also noticed that once quiet libraries–at least they were quiet when I was a kid–have now become noisier. Perhaps you could ask your supervisors if they can assign you to tasks not involving so much constant public interaction (stocking, processing, or ordering new books in a back room).
Your comment that you are “just worn out from life” is very telling…. Of course, I’m not a dr., but if you feel that terrible long- term, and you aren’t finding relief with rest or taking breaks, days off, I urge you to seek professional help ASAP as chronic fatigue/exhaustion is a classic symptom of serious, major depression.
Or perhaps your burnout is a hint that you need to take a long-overdue vacation or make significant changes in your life. I failed to listen to my body/psyche when they were whispering more subtle alarm bells years earlier; ignoring those earlier hints literally landed me in the ER. It was a painful, dramatic wake-up call, but I am grateful for it because it finally forced me to make long-overdue changes in life: ditching a draining, stressful, job that required long overnight travel and daily interaction with demanding, sometimes verbally abusive clients and deciding to finally moving out of a large, noisy, overcrowded city–both bad fits for a quiet, introverted HSP like me.
Best of luck to you.July 13, 2019 at 1:48 pm #303207
I appreciate your concern. I’ve actually been reading Aron’s book already. When I started reading it, everything about myself started to make sense. I’ve been thinking I’d better off working in a quiet area like in archives or something where I don’t have to constantly work with the public. I intern at the library’s archive and I feel so at peace there. I would love to transfer there but there are no job openings there at the moment. If there is an opening, I’ll look into it since I’m getting familiar with the area.
I have been seeing people about all of this. I see both a life coach and a psychiatrist. I have been seeing them for years now and I think they do a very good job with me. I’ve come along way since I started. When I say fatigued, I usually mean mental and/or emotional. It’s not necessarily physical (though it is sometimes but not always).
Believe me, I would LOVE to take a long vacation but I can’t afford it. I don’t make enough money and all the money I do make goes towards my rent and tuition. I try to take mini vacations like day trips but that’s about all I can do. Even then those day trips are rare.
As of right now, I’m just going to try to center myself and listen to what I need and do what I can to meet them.