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The comparison trap

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  • April 5, 2019 at 8:23 am #287705
    Amy
    Participant

    Hi all. Hope this is the right area

    This is a huge deal for me and I will try my best to answer more on here as I learn but asking for some help. I’ve always had a problem with comparing myself to others, usually people I know. Well recently a friend of mine whom I’m close to has lost a lot of weight and I think it’s great but even before then I found myself comparing to her whether it be her fashion or the way she eats and how she organises. Now I’m working hard on being more positive not falling into this trap over and over again but not sure how to stop. When they have a baby I’m gonna be excited but I really don’t want to compare theirs to mine. I got a beautiful baby and so many good things so why do I still compare? It even sounds silly writing this

    April 5, 2019 at 8:43 am #287713
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amy:

    When you compare or compared yourself to your friend, for example regarding her losing a lot of weight, what are the thoughts that go through your mind?

    anita

    April 5, 2019 at 9:59 am #287765
    Mark
    Participant

    Amy

    Great that you are aware of this of yourself. Realize this is a human behavior phenomenon not a flaw of who you are.

    This can be a mindfulness practice so whenever you notice envy or jealousy, you can note that and focus on appreciating what you do have.

    Mark

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Mark.
    April 5, 2019 at 11:12 am #287799
    Amy
    Participant

    On the one hand I think it’s great and I’m very happy for her. On the other hand I worry that she will be thinner than me and I’ll end up putting weight on.

    April 5, 2019 at 11:14 am #287801
    Amy
    Participant

    Thank you Mark. I do try and focus and appreciate what I have.  I just need to practice that more. I’m glad it’s not seen as a flaw of myself

    April 5, 2019 at 11:29 am #287805
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amy:

    I think that the “comparison trap” you wrote about, ex., comparing your weight to your friend’s, wanting to be thinner than her,  is connected to what you shared Sept 2016, more than 2.5 years ago:

    “Me and my boyfriend have been together for a bit and I still love him very much, however, I’ve come to realise that I’m not a big public displays of affection person and I don’t like being called ‘cute’ and those kind of things. I’m quite insecure still and I feel like I’m figuring out who I am”-

    – do you think there is a connection?

    anita

    April 5, 2019 at 12:07 pm #287821
    Amy
    Participant

    I guess I am still trying to figure out who I am in a sense. Perhaps I need to focus on my life I  rather than what others have?

    April 5, 2019 at 12:30 pm #287825
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amy:

    First, I think it is human nature to compare. But if you do a whole lot of comparing, if comparing occupies too much of your time and attenti0n… then better look at what fuels the comparing, at the origin of that not-good enough feeling.

    anita

    April 5, 2019 at 2:14 pm #287837
    Amy
    Participant

    Yes it’s that feeling I know all too well. It’s come up various times but I’m not sure where from. Maybe since I’m adopted and cone from a reserved family I always felt a little left out or seeking approval

    April 5, 2019 at 2:19 pm #287839
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amy:

    I know that feeling all too well as well. I need to be away from the computer and will be back in about 14 hours from now. If you want to post before I return about your experience being adopted and coming from a reserved family as it relates to the topic, please do and I will read and reply to you when I am back.

    anita

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