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The other woman

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  • #110368
    Venus
    Participant

    I’m a 32 year old very independent woman. At this point of my life I was not looking for a relationship although I very much like to get married and have kids. Few months ago at my local bar met a guy who is not my type by any means. He would float around me try to talk to me, get close to me and I just pushed him away. Till one day I got really drunk after my ex sent me a hurtful message and ended up kissing him that night, I still have no memory of it. After that I decided to give him a chance and went on a date with him. We live in Dallas but every Friday night he flies to Houston and comes back to Dallas Sunday. I asked him why. He was honest and told me he has a girlfriend in Houston that he provides for. She is preparing for the bar exam, as she failed the first one and he is paying for everything. I knew I needed to walk away at that point but I couldn’t. His personality captivated me. He told me over a year they haven’t been intimate. And I believe him. We have been dating for few weeks. We see each other everyday besides when he is in Houston. He makes me so happy. But couple days ago I told him I can’t keep doing this without knowing what his plan is. He is not American, and have a different upbringing, he is convinced this girl is his responsibility and he has to provide for her till she gets a job as a lawyer. He is really caring in nature. He says he stopped intimacy with her hoping that she will break up with him but she is not doing it. That is his best plan for a break up!

    So I broke things off but I don’t want to be making a huge mistake. All my close friends were keep telling me they have never seen me this happy, I was glowing when I’m with him. Shall I just go back with him and be happy or hope I will be as happy with someone eventually? I would love to hear objective ideas. <3

    #110370
    Hang Do
    Participant

    Honestly, i do not understand much about Western relationships. Can people date with others while they are still in relationships with some ones?
    i think if you really like him and want to develop your relationship, you should ask him to make clear about that woman. i mean he should break up with her first then be your boyfriend officially later. so how did you feel when he told you about that woman?

    #110377
    anita
    Participant

    Dear vgold:

    I wonder what the deal is in Houston. There is a woman living there. He and her used to be girlfriend/ boyfriend, having physical intimate relationship. For a year they haven’t but he stays with her every weekend. He also pays her rent, other expenses and schooling and intends to continue to do so until she is employed as a lawyer.

    Does he have a child or children with her, I wonder?

    Are they legally married in the U.S, or maybe they got married in his original country, I wonder.

    Are they sleeping in separate rooms every weekend, really having no physically intimate relationship? I wonder.

    “The other woman” is the title of your thread and I understand why it is. I would say, while you are considering returning to a bf/ gf relationship with him, find out more about the nature of his relationship with the other woman. Ask questions.

    If he is no longer bf/gf with the other woman, maybe you can join him for a weekend in Houston?

    anita

    #110384
    Venus
    Participant

    I’m not 100% sure why he is that attached to this situation. All I keep hearing is she is my responsibility. They don’t have a kid nor married. He told me they stay in the same bed. He said most contact they have is giving packs to each other. He had been honest with me when he could easily lie about everything so I believe him about intimacy part. He says technically she is still a gf because he tried to break up but she wouldn’t accept it.

    I’m planning on asking him if he sees a future for us b/c he already told me he doesn’t see a future with the other girl.

    Although it is going to break my heart to pieces I don’t think I’m going to be able to be with him. Such a shame :.(

    Thank you for your comments. <3

    #110385
    anita
    Participant

    Dear vgold:

    There is more to know about that situation in Houston. Maybe your boyfriend is from a country where arranged marriages is the custom, and maybe his parents arranged for him to marry this woman and … she moved to the U.S. for the purpose of marrying him. This could be a reason why he feels responsible for her…

    I hope you get the information you need and that your heart will not break to pieces.

    Please post again.

    anita

    #110435
    Barbara
    Participant

    He sleeps in the same bed
    Ge pays fir her exams
    He lives with her.

    And then he says he tried to break up…but he cant. Im really sorry, but I smell a two timing rat. He is in bed with his girlfriend – and you believe they are not intimate ? I understand why its easier to believe him. But use common sense. The liklihood is, that he is in fact in a real relationship with her.

    And as you say – you are currently the ‘other woman’. This will not end well. Try to be realistic. If you walk away, you will see in time what happens. If he does become single he might follow you. But currently he is eating 2 cakes !!

    #110436
    Barbara
    Participant

    Sorry – spelling : *he pays for her exams

    #110457
    Swati Vyas
    Participant

    Dear Vgold,

    I understand your situation fully as i have been through the same. The story you have explained is exactly the same happened with me and he ended up marrying with her ultimately. I don’t think you should have seen him again better to move on than losing dignity and self respect all the time when he is not insisted to take this relationship further. If he would have been wanting to break up with her he would have done till now but he is just making an excuses in every possible way. I have gone through from the similar situation you are facing right now. Please don’t let him to break your heart into pieces.

    Thank you!!

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