The Secret to Mastering Anger is...

This topic has 9 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 7 months ago by traveler.

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April 3, 2013 at 10:17 am #30222

Molly McCord
Participant

I’ve learned that the experience of anger is the opportunity for greater forgiveness and levels of acceptance: about a person, a situation, a relationship, within ourselves. It’s important to feel the emotion and move it through us honestly, but then we get the opportunity to step back and learn from it. What have you learned about yourself and your experiences of anger?

April 3, 2013 at 10:21 am #30229

Frank Ra
Participant

So true! What I often noticed is that I may be reading, into someone’s actions, what I want to read. Now, I ask, or at least try 🙂 to, questions so I can clarify to myself what is going on.

There is no rush to get angry 🙂 If I have to show that I am satisfied with a situation etc. at least I want to make sure I do it with more information then my initial impressions.

frank

April 3, 2013 at 11:20 am #30263

Marilyn Briant-Rockmore
Participant

It’s hard not to react to anger, but by monitoring my thoughts I am able to respond instead. Yes, it feels really good choosing a response, instead of reacting to something. I am so much more powerful when I choose not to meet anger with anger, but to recognize that it is fear, disguised as anger and feel compassion instead.

April 3, 2013 at 3:03 pm #30351

Roo Mulligan
Participant

I agree with questioning more and realizing that if you are reacting in anger you may be reading more into the situation than necessary. However, as one who has always been afraid of my own anger and always felt that it was wrong or felt really guilty about being angry, I want to learn to honor my own anger. I have a right to my feelings and my reactions. I do not have to rationalize every thought or feeling or always see the other person’s point of view and not express my own anger and hurt. You can feel anger and honor that in yourself but you cannot be abusive towards another in anger.

April 3, 2013 at 3:26 pm #30359

Sabrina Bolin
Participant

What a great topic!

Interestingly enough, I noticed I felt resistance to the phrase “mastering anger” as if anger were a skill to cultivate.

I like the way @Roo Mulligan puts it – “honor my own anger.”

I believe that our emotions are not who we are but rather signposts from our body that something needs attention, so honoring them as messengers makes more sense for me!

And the way that I honor my anger is to get compassionately curious about it – why am I so charged? What’s underneath of that? What’s underneath of that? And how can I fully feel into it without getting hooked?

It’s a practice and a process, but when I approach it this way, I find it’s much easier to embrace these “ugly” feelings when they come rather than try to push them away.

April 3, 2013 at 3:42 pm #30366

Joseph Bernard, PhD
Participant

Real wisdom in all your responses. I agree to acknowledge your anger. I also suggest tracing the anger to the thoughts that created it. You can change your thoughts and change what feelings you have.

Anger is an expression of the ego-mind in search of power and control. Anger is an offshoot of fear. Be aware of when the ego is running you and fear is the guiding force.

April 10, 2013 at 3:04 am #33372

Vijayalakshmi Harish
Participant

I’ve experienced that anger often serves some secondary purpose. It masks some other emotions –hurt maybe, or sadness or a feeling of humiliation. I feel I am better able to deal with anger when I dig down to the root of it and identify and address that primary emotion.

April 10, 2013 at 10:29 pm #33727

traveler
Participant

Anger is not a human emotion, it does not come from there, it comes from a place called Darkness. please note how you can not make a small child angry, you can try and in the process you can scare him, or make him cry, because sorrow and fear are human emotions, not so with anger. Hint. regain that inocense of the child and shake off the stuff that life dumps on the inocense that was yours, and still is under the stuff.

April 12, 2013 at 8:49 pm #33786

Bob
Participant

We are not masters of our emotions. The source of our emotions is unconscious, a short circuit of psychic energy from the autonomous center of our being. Once this energy is released it needs to go somewhere. Even when the apparent cause or trigger is standing right in front of you, the true source is still deeply within us, out of reach of all conscious will to control. In anger, we are projecting. I find the idea of mastering anger as absurd as mastering love. This is an ego-trap. All anger is a symptom of an over inflated ego: a result of our frustrated need to coerce the environment beyond reasonable limits. You can get rid of anger by seeing it for what it really is. Then the unconscious projection will be withdrawn this energy will then be conserved for growth of your non-ego Self instead of wasted on meaningless ego inflation.

April 13, 2013 at 7:34 am #33787

traveler
Participant

Ah… Now we are beguining to cook with gas, and reaching the level where words become inadequate communication and there is the need to identify metaphors, i like those grounds, Welcome Bob. Einstein said it different, “there are only two things that are infinite in creation, the universe and human stupidity, and i am not so sure about the universe”. and yes of course once we have accepted anger, we have accepted that role on the stage.
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