I have been feeling the pull of the low, dark energy inside of me as I trudge through this hologram called Life. There is no doubt in me about who will win this war, yet all doubt in the world…strange. It is as if the combination of years of unhealed emotional wounds, distrust in my own self, & (most importantly)misplaced faith has created an emotional pool where there is no gentle ebb and flow, only strong tides and massive waves. I feel as if I put a lasso around the moon of life and pulled it so close into my world that everything is out of balance. All the paths that I have been seeing are gone, I am blind. The brightness of the moon singed my eyes, and now I am stumbling around in the dark.

I suddenly feel the small light inside of me. Not a flame, but an ember.

I was so close…TOO close to just letting that ember fade away into the ever expanding darkness.

I KNOW that from something as tiny as an ember, one can create something as huge and amazing as a roaring fire. A fire which means survival…in ANY situation. As long as you are living, as long as you are breathing, you carry that ember in your soul. You are precious, you are divine, & you deserve to breathe life into your own fire. YES. I said YOUR OWN. Meaning you do not need anyone and anything, but yourself to help you keep going.

Sometimes, we focus too much on where we are going to receive help(in the form of a person, or external stimuli: alcohol, drugs, etc.) that we neglect helping ourselves. We distrust ourselves because we haven’t been fulfilling our needs in a long time, we have been numbing them and pushing them to the side. We forget that we have our higher self, intuition, & God always with us to help. We need to look inside ourselves for the answers and once we start doing this we will trust with no inhibitions. Practice makes perfect in all situations, as with this one. Next time you feel like you are having a breakdown, and you want to go talk to that person, or seek other means of aid try this:

sit down in a comfortable, meditative position and start breathing. Envision a tiny ember sparkling at the base of your spine. As you breathe in and out notice the flickering of the ember grow into a solid red-orange glow. Now, say “I am here to light my own fire. I have all the breath & energy necessary to breathe life back into my soul. I chose to live with the perfect determination, strength, love, courage, grace, peace, & honor that is inside of my soul, for I am created in the image of God. God will always be here to send me love & light, as I will always be here, ready to send myself love and light whenever I am needed. ”

The world is going through a colossal shift where we are being called into the vibrations that we our resonating with, the vibrations we are “feeding.” I haven’t been feeding my higher self, I admit that I have been giving into the lower vibrations because it has been easier. The depression has been getting worse because I continue to doubt, alienate, judge , & deprive myself of the simple joys in life. I have been my own worst enemy. I have made amends, loosened the lasso, shook hands with my ego, and put down the blood soaked swords that have been battling ever since I can remember.

There is balance in everything, find your balance. Feed your soul with things you love to do, things you are passionate about. MAKE TIME for yourself and those passions. Be with loved ones, family, & friends. Forgive all, so you can start to heal your open wounds. Treat yourself how you want to be treated, and TREAT yourself(self date, solo beach trip, movie, pamper you). Be openly and outwardly grateful for everything that you want more of in life. Love others despite their view of themselves and the world, a little love could shift their mentality and thus creating a better world than what you previously found. Every positive encounter you have with a person and every time you respond to situations with love, your lense(perception) out of which you view life focuses a little bit more and vision becomes clearer. You elevate your vibration and become a leader for others to do the same.

You can do it!

I can do it!

Let’s believe in ourselves and each other!

<3

~I wrote this as I was having a really rough day! I came up with the meditation while writing this, and I am so happy to say that I feel as if I lit my fire. I was on embers for a very long time, so the relief I feel is unreal. I am beyond happy that I stumbled upon this wonderful site today, for without it I don’t think I would have had as big of a break through. Let me know what you all think, I hope this helps in any way.

Sending love and light to all

~Nydia Nirvana Hawthorne