They say be true to yourself…but what if yourself sucks?

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    I am having a really hard time with this whole ‘be true to yourself” thing. I was the oldest in a large family and while my parents were going through infidelity and divorce issues, I really took on the parental role in my family. Once I turned 18 however, i decided to leave home and made the conscious decision (i remember the exact day) to “live selfishly”. Fast forward 12 years of doing whatever i want without taking anyone else into account as far as making my own choices, doing my own thing etc. and i am in a relationship (my first real one, i might add) with an awesome man who makes me want to be a better person and i find myself resisting the hell out of it. The voices in my head tell me that, “No, you’re not a relationship person, do whatever you want, leave him and just do your own thing, you’re much happier alone anyway” and I can’t get it to stop. I am wracked with anxiety every time I see something that says “be true to yourself” because i know that myself is a selfish, lonely, bitter person and I don’t want to be!! I don’t want to throw away this relationship with the notion of being ‘true to my inner self” as I don’t want to be that selfish person anymore, but I am scared that that is my inner self. Help!


    Gosh, you are awfully hard on yourself. You were thrust into a parenting role that wasn’t yours to take and you ponied up until you were 18, that is very admirable in my book. We all feel like we are selfish jerks at our core, sometimes. I think the key for you is forgiving yourself. Maybe somewhere you don’t believe that you deserve to be happy.

    You had a rough time of it, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Go to counseling, work through your issues, work on loving yourself. You can’t change just for this man but, until you learn to love yourself, how can you love anyone else?? You are worthy of every good thing, be as kind to yourself as you would be to a total stranger.


    I believe that the saying “be true to yourself” doesn’t necessarily mean “keep doing what you’re used to”. It’s a call for us to discover our authentic selves, the best version of ourselves, and be true to that ideal. Underneath all of our trials and pain and suffering, our authentic self lies dormant, awaiting to be rediscovered. Your behaviour does not define you, and if you seek change, nothing can stop you!

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