Think my relationship is over because I can't love fully anymore…

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    Forgive my endless typos. I have much trepidation confessing the state of my life over the internet… but I have come to a place where I don’t feel like I can truly be open to anyone I know without being judged or criticized.

    Im a young mother, with a man four years older than I. We have beautiful son who is about to turn a year old. Long story short, there has been immense betrayal through the form of substance use by my partner. He lied about it for over a year before someone ELSE told me. Before I even found this out our relationship had been on the rocks since 2013 due to him not being emotionally available, and then wanting me to have an abortion… having a son is the only reason we stayed together and he is now a doting loving father and says he was wrong- which I knew he would come around eventually. And I do not regret staying together because I love him and I want our son and his dad to be close. But as for him meeting me mentally, intellectually, and spiritually EVEN romantically… seems long gone. There is no spark or true intimacy. He tells me he is done with the lies and only wants his family to be together… I half believe him, but there are so many huge differences between us… moral differences, spiritual differences. Priorities. I have been asking myself why did I accept these things before? I seek ways to encourage him and give him hope, to keep our relationship afloat. But I cannot give anymore of myself for some reason. Maybe its because I am heart broken… resentful. But I feel sadness and loneliness more than anything. Because I do not feel the love or genuinity of our union anymore. I can’t be intimate with him, and I’m having this quarter life crisis with no one to talk to. Please share your wisdom.



    I can’t share from my own experience and I am certainly no expert, but I can point in you in directions that will help. Here is a list of resources that you may find supportive for you at this time:

    Rori Raye – http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com (specifically, her Toxic Men program).
    — If you’re interested in either turning around your relationship or discovering the courage to leave, she is good for both.
    Katherine Woodward Thomas – Calling in “The One” 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life (book or program).
    — This is technically for single people, but the exercises in the book are centered around the inner work that is necessary to make yourself available for love, which could lead you to transform your current relationship or provide you with the courage to leave.
    Melody Beattie – Codependent No More
    — I suggest this book because you mentioned a drug problem, albeit co-dependency is often present even outside of relationships with drug problems. It’s an enlightening book. Dense. But good.
    George S. Pransky – The Relationship Handbook
    — If you’re interested in transforming your relationship, this would be a good tool, too.

    But – based on what you’ve shared, I first suggest you look into Rori Raye, as her work does focus specifically on how you can transform yourself and your relationship.

    Choose whichever you resonate with most or use these recources as tools to discover others that you may resonate with more. Also, receiving 1:1 guidance is always supportive too, if you could find a spiritual or relationship counselor.

    I hope that helps. Know that you are supported. I know it’s difficult reaching out for help, but you did it! That’s the first the step, which is always hardest. You’re on your way!

    With love,


    Wow, you just described what I just was trying to say, just in a much more condensed form then I was able to! I will definitely follow your story as well…

    Ashley Arcel

    Hi Risingwind,

    My bet is that you know in your heart what’s right. The toughest part is learning to listen to it and, moreover, learning to TRUST and then act on it. It sounds like you’re both pretty young and, since men mature SO much slower than women, it’s very possible that this guy might rise up to meet you at some point. My boyfriend and I went through something sort of similar in terms of his relationship with his toxic, abusive father. He abandoned me time and time again, I felt like he damaged the love between us, I didn’t want to be intimate or close to him at all. I thought it was over and then, just recently actually, he’s begun to come around and if things stay like this I think we’ll make it. So…there’s hope. It took three years for us and it’s up to nobody but you whether you want to wait and see. There’s also a definite possibility that you’ll remain very different people and you would both be better served by going your separate ways. Nobody can make that decision but you. My advice is simply to spend some time alone, hang tight to your family and friends, listen to your heart and then go with your gut. It’s tough to go wrong like that. All my best to you.


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