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Thoughts and Advice from married couples of age 35-45

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  • January 10, 2016 at 2:36 pm #92003
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi,
    I wanted Thoughts and Advice from married couples of age 35-45 men and women on the below:

    1: To the married women out there – How many think it is acceptable that your husband goes out on a drinking night out till 3 am in the morning? And if you do how often do you agree with this?

    2: To the married men out there – How many go out on a drinking night out till 3 am in the morning? And if you do how often do you do this?

    My personally thought on it is why would any married man want to do this and if you was happily married you wouldn’t want to do this and if you want to be a family man, then you definitely wouldn’t want to do this?
    I get the excuse that is is “normal” that men want to do this and that it is “normal” as it is the english culture! Just because it is “normal” to other does not mean it has to be “normal” for me or I have to want to accept this in my life.
    Also that it is good to relax – well sorry if you need alcohol to relax then you have a problem!
    Please share your thoughts?

    January 10, 2016 at 6:05 pm #92017
    Inky
    Participant

    After a certain age it’s not normal and it’s about the drinking imho… Just my quick opine!

    January 10, 2016 at 6:41 pm #92020
    jock
    Participant

    well sorry if you need alcohol to relax then you have a problem!

    You’ve just eliminated a lot people right there, male and female.
    Ok, how many times does he do it? Weekly then I agree, it would be disrespectful to wife and kids.
    Once a year? No that is fine in my opinion. Even every 6 months.
    Seems like there are other issues in the relationship besides his drinking/nights out until 3.00am. Better to address the relationship as a whole. Lack of trust perhaps?
    If my wife nagged me too much, I might start doing the same. Except for the cost to body and hip-pocket.
    Junaita aka Jack

    January 11, 2016 at 2:40 am #92096
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks Inky, I agree!

    Hi Juanita,
    Thank you for your reply and he wants to do it every 3 months or so, but to cut a long story short, he has broke the marriage but abusing alcohol and doing this to me a number of times and we have worked o respiring the marriage and now he has bought it up again and I will not accept this in my life again.
    There is no lack of trust my end and yes there is issues going on with him as he turns to alcohol to masks his emotions and yes he thinks I am a nag and that I control him, which I don’t I ask for respect in my marriage and seeing as he has disrespected me so many times with drinking I will not accept this in my life no more.
    Basically he is very selfish and wants to do what he wants to do regardless on who he hurts as he has control issues.

    January 11, 2016 at 4:07 am #92098
    jackie
    Participant

    Hello h1978,

    Sorry to hear the addiction of alcohol of your husband,I am basically think that your husband had a problem and he can’t open up with you.and he want to spend his time into drinking every night which is really bad for the health.I would say drinking alcohol once a week is normal for english people coz my other half is drinking once in a week .

    I’ll advise you to ask him in calm way and don’t nag him as they will not listen to you.I hope it lessen your feelings.

    January 11, 2016 at 4:17 am #92100
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Jackie,

    Thank for your reply but he isn;t doing it every night.
    He went through a bad period where he was drinking heavily to numb his feelings and then as we were rebuilding on the marriage we put boundaries in place and he broke them a number of times.
    Boundaries were put in place to rebuild trust in the marriage and when he broke them I was so upset! And this was more than a handful of times.
    It got to the point that if he didn’t want to change then I would end the marriage
    His drinking got better but then when he got angry he would do it again and then I get the remorse he would change and then he would slip up again.
    I can’t take much more as now even though his drinking has calmed down he is now saying that I treat him like a child with alcohol. Well if you didn’t act like a child then your wouldn’t be treated like one!
    He is now pushing this 3am drinking thing and I refuse to accept this and his excuse is that it is “normal” and he just wants to enjoy his life!
    My patience is running out as I am so over this argument in my life and it has been a constant struggle for 3 years now and I can’t do anymore.
    He has started counselling the other day to deal with his resentment and anger to me but after the first session he came home and let it all out on me again and not sure I can be patience and support him through this whilst being the target of his anger and resentment with his put downs and vicious words.

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