Thoughts of self-worthlessness

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 7 months ago by Amanda.

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March 11, 2014 at 3:25 pm #52646

Amanda
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Hello

I feel totally lost and don’t know who to reach out to. I’ve had years of anxiety and depression, only to beat it with lots of hard work and therapy only for it to come crashing back in my life again. Truth is I’ve had a tough past few years due to an abusive relationship (although I don’t think this was the only cause)…but my life is good now with a really amazing boyfriend, family and friends…and there’s nothing I could complain about. I thought that since last year that I had overcome all of my negativity and convinced myself that I was never going to let myself get so down again. I thought that I was on a journey of self-progression that could only move forward because I was finally happy. However recently it’s beginning to creep back in and my thoughts are telling me how worthless I am and it makes me feel like there’s no point in my life. This is something I overcame in the past and I know that it’s silly but I just can’t stop it! I have so much to be grateful for but I just feel so lost in this world and my being just doesn’t fit in. Every day is a battle in my brain, even on the good ones.

Basically I’m just calling out to anybody who knows what this feels like because sometimes although I know some wonderful people, they don’t understand and I feel like a great burden and I hate talking about my problems to people. I’m so frustrated because I have been doing so well recently and I would be so grateful for some kind words of inspiration before I can’t cope with this again.

Thank you and sending out much love.

A xxx

March 11, 2014 at 6:50 pm #52672

Al
Participant

Amanda,

– “I just feel so lost in this world and my being just doesn’t fit in.” –

You just reverberated how many individuals feel on these forums and on this planet. And yet, are you supposed to know exactly where you are (internally + externally)? Is anyone? Who truly belongs here? Who has the right? Why are there some who are ‘more worthy’ of being here and some ‘less’? What is ‘more or less worthy’? Why am I, a simpleton, alive? Nihilist thoughts aren’t entirely wrong, nor are they entirely right. Buddhist views aren’t entirely wrong, nor are they entirely right. Islamist teachings, Hindu, Sikh, Taoist, Christian, etc…, none of them are entirely wrong but nor are they entirely right. But then again, who am I to say so?

I’ve just proven with the above paragraph that we will never know for sure what is right and what is wrong. We are not meant to know everything. None of us ever will. Knowledge is infinite. Hence, the uncertainties you feel are all correct which is why it is detrimental for us to go and discover ourselves by experiencing, experimenting and exploring. Only once we’ve ‘seasoned’ ourselves will we find what it is that gives us meaning in our lives and the where, why, what, when and how to seek our happiness.

Also, do your best to be at ease. Answers may not come right away but they will eventually, especially if you continue to seek for them. In the meantime, keep reiterating the things you love and what makes them important to you. Sometimes, this may be all it takes to find what you’re looking for.

Good Luck,

Al

March 11, 2014 at 7:36 pm #52676

belove
Participant

Dear Amanda,
I can really relate to you. Sending you many hugs. I had my share of these kind of days. I’d say that you sound like you’ve gained an awareness of how you are feeling, and that is great. When we are aware of how we are feelings, we can help it and not let it go too far. Go out into the sun if you can, take walks, spend time in nature and just allow yourself to enjoy the moments. Have some good rest, some exercise, eat well, read a uplifting book, … all these self-nourishment really affect our mood. Do the simple things you can do for yourself. I can tell you that we are all beautifully made. You are just as beautiful and worthy as others. Every one of us is here to have a unique experience. Everything is really ok even when it doesn’t seem to be. Feelings and emotions are temporary and will pass. Say that to yourself every time you feel less than great. “I am worthy”, “I am peace”, “I am love”, “I am wonderfully made” are some of my daily mantras. You will be alright, keep believing that! Peace & love to you.

March 12, 2014 at 7:36 am #52693

Anonymous
Inactive

Dear Amanda,

i feel as you feel, i was hit with anxiety and panic attacks about a year ago and have had to do alot of searching within myself and at everything around me, i understand the negativity, thougths and the feeling of not fitting in. Its understandable that when events around you are negative that it becomes difficult to deal with as it brings back old fears/memories, remind yourself of all the good things in your life, things that make you smile, music that brings happyness to you, you can and will overcome the thoughts ect as you did before 🙂 i cant say when it stops as im working on it myself but i understand that i control my thoughts and can make myself feel happy i just have to try a bit harder sometimes 🙂 for every negative thought make 3 positive this helped me, you will get there it just takes time, i am grateful for your post as you do sometimes feel like your the only one, but that itself is a negative thought, i wish you all the best and hope this helps you x

March 13, 2014 at 7:08 am #52743

LaReason
Participant

Amanda,
You’ve gotten some great responses so far. I just wanted to add that you are definitely not the only one feeling this way. I just had a good three weeks of “bliss” where I was positive, had energy and was able to enjoy my life. Now I can feel the negativity and depression coming back in and I honestly am terrified because I don’t want to feel like crap again, I kind of like being “normal”. The thing is, the more you resist those feelings the stronger they become. I would say to breathe through your negative thoughts, repeat a calming mantra (mine is “All is well, right here, right now.”), and recognize that nothing is permanent…your negativity is not back to stay. It will go away and you will feel calm and happy again.

I often feel lost and useless in this world, too. It’s a conditioned response, I think, after years of being slave to negativity, anxiety and depression. Once you change your thinking and feel like you’ve defeated the negativity, it may come back full force and make you feel like you’ve failed and nothing is okay. Just believe and trust that your thoughts do not always reflect reality..in fact, mine usually don’t! They constantly lean towards making me feel worthless, alone and never going to get better, but that’s simply not true. You have proven that by the great progress you’ve made in the last year! Don’t let this bump in the road drag you back down to that dark place.

Truth is, you are loved, cherished, and special. You are here on this Earth for a reason that may never be fully clear to you, but you must trust in that. And even though you’re down right now, you will come up again. It’s inevitable 🙂

March 14, 2014 at 6:15 am #52778

Amanda
Participant

Hello again

Sorry for taking a while to reply, but I’ve had some really long shifts at work so I haven’t had the chance. Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and reminding me of the good and positive things in the world for us all. I feel like on some days a switch goes in my brain and I lose myself for a while, but thankfully I think it has turned back on again and I’m feeling much more positive now. I’m going to take this as a lesson as it has just made me realise how low my self-esteem can be when I thought that I had worked through all of that. However I will definitely start working on that now because nobody deserves to feel that way about themselves!

All of your articulate words have touched me and I think it is lovely that we can reach out to one another, possibly from other sides of the planet. It’s also reassuring to know that I am not alone and there are many other people trying to make sense of their emotions and surroundings. I really hope that you all are having a good week and thank you again because your words helped a lot!

xx
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