January 4, 2017 at 4:52 pm #124544
I am sorry- forgot to come back to your thread at the 14 hours or so I planned on. I just read your post before last, about your childhood. You wrote that you had anxiety when you were about 8, slept with your parents, but they got angry at you and they shut you down in your room at night, and at one time they shut you down in the cellar. What do you mean by “shut down”- do you mean they locked you in your room and once in the cellar?
When you brought the subject of this shutting you down (at 8 years old) in your room/ cellar to your parents, they said it was your fault. Did they explain how it was your fault; what you did wrong?
anitaJanuary 5, 2017 at 2:37 am #124601
Yes, I believe in reincarnation.
Firstly, You seem to be knowing your fear very well and you also want to overcome it. You are almost halfway into conquering it. I hope you pave your way soon and do let me know !!!!
I am very sure about one thing, you would have to look for an answer from within.
<Believe in Believing>.
ThanksJanuary 5, 2017 at 5:28 pm #124653
Anita: no problems about it! Take your time to answer me, if you do. You're nice enough to take time to try to help, you don't have to worry if you take time to do so!
And yes, they locked me up.
Well when I try to speak to them about it, they get angry – mostly because I'm very reproachful about it when I talk about it, so it gets on their nerves. My dad told me I was a huge pain in the ass at that time, surely because I prevented them from sleeping and, well, surely do whatever parents do when they are alone in their room. But they never really told me WHAT I did wrong.
Kumudini: thank you for your answer! It really brings me courage!January 5, 2017 at 5:57 pm #124658
They locked you up in your room so you couldn't get out? And in the cellar too? What did you do, when you were locked in your room/ cellar: cry, scream for help, knock on the wall… beg for them to let you out? And if you did any of these things, did they open the door for you and come in to calm you down, or did they unlock the door so you can leave?
anitaJanuary 6, 2017 at 1:27 pm #124705
Yes, exactly. I can't quite remember to be honest… I remember crying and begging yes, but I can't quite remember what they did. When I was in the cellar that one time, they took me out after a while. But I remember the whole thing stopping because when I was locked up in my room I walked in circles and read book until I fell asleep and/or it was time for school, so after a while I was so tired that I had no choice but sleeping when night came.January 6, 2017 at 1:51 pm #124717
Please talk with your therapist, the next session, about being locked in your room and in the cellar when you were eight. This is very significant in the formation of your current anxiety.
You were anxious at eight or before, this is why you needed your parents' comfort and wanted to spend the night with them. Unfortunately for you, they made your anxiety worse by locking you in your room and in the cellar. They must have locked you because you refused to stay alone, in your room. They told you to go back to your room, but you were so scared, you were unable to do so. So the locked you, and that scared you more, much more.
I am so sorry. I feel great sadness for that little girl that you were, and hope very much for the young woman that you are to heal. There is no possible way for any child, to be traumatized the way you have been, and to not suffer great anxiety as an adult.
The … “good news” is that there is nothing wrong with you outside the trauma/ injuries inflicted on you by your parents. You were a healthy child before they injured you and you can be healthy again. Healing is possible, in competent psychotherapy. Do not underestimate those experiences (and what lead you to seek spending the nights with them to start with).
Please post again anytime. When distressed, take a hot bath, go for a brisk walk outside, play calming music, slow down your thinking best you can. Be very gentle with yourself. The anxiety itself, however bad and threatening it feels, will not kill you. You were already very, very scared as a child, locked up, before and after, many times- and you physically survived it!
You are safe. The fear will not kill you. Please keep it in mind.
January 7, 2017 at 3:18 pm #124791
- This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
😮 How weird, my name changed from chokko to my real name.
anita: thank you very much for the insight. I will talk about it as soon as my therapy starts (it still hasn't started yet…)
That's exactly that.
I've never viewed that experience as something that could influence my anxiety in the right now. Many people tell me that my death anxiety is “hiding” something else – or is it caused by such a traumatic event? I don't know. But I know I still ressent my parents for that, even though we're in good terms now.
I really hope therapy will help me understand my anxiety and dealing with it. To be honest I'm not quite confident because the person I'm seeing right now is not really fit for me if I can say, but I will see if I can change or something. I believe it will help me, but not in the immediate future, especially since the actual therapy takes a lot of time to be put in place, and the professionals are not really reassuring.
Thank you very much for your kind words. I will hold them dear when the anxiety is striking. Right now the fear of death has returned and makes me depressed, but it's not actual anxiety so I can deal with it more easier.
Again, thank you.January 7, 2017 at 6:10 pm #124798
Dear chokko/ Amandine (which one do you prefer?)
I wish your therapy-to-be was more promising. Isolation (which is what being locked up in your room is about) is traumatizing to animals, not only to humans. There were experiments done with monkeys, even rats that show clear evidence that it is so.
You are welcome. It does get better, when you work on it. My therapy lasted two years. After the two years (moved to another state) I continued on my own, using the insight in therapy and the skills taught there. Healing is possible, so please have hope. Post anytime.