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time and space

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  • December 15, 2016 at 8:58 am #122781
    Paul
    Participant

    recently my girlfriend asked for some space and time to ponder our realtionship . what is the real meaning for this and how to react

    December 15, 2016 at 10:15 am #122797
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Paul:

    I am glad you were finally able to start a thread!

    Your girlfriend asked for some space and time to ponder her relationship with you. You wonder

    1. What did she mean by making this request?
    2. How should you react to her request?

    To #1: Ask her. Then listen to her answer and post her answer here. If you need help understanding her answer I will be glad to help you with it.

    Reads to me like she is wondering if to end or continue the relationship, that she is unhappy with parts of it.

    As to #2: Ask her- very important, ask her what her thoughts and feelings are about the relationship. Listen to her answers. Share here, if you’d like. If she tells you her thoughts and feelings and you don’t know how to respond, what to say, how to react, tell her that you need time to think about what she just said, come back to your post here and type what she said. We will communicate about it, so that you can communicate more with her.

    anita

    December 15, 2016 at 10:40 am #122799
    Peter
    Participant

    How to respond?
    For you it’s the first time your hearing about a problem while your girlfriend has likely been thinking about it for a while. So it’s fair for you to ask for time and space so that you might better come to terms with what is being asked of you.

    My opinion is that when such a request is made it needs to be taken seriously and respected.

    That said you deserve to know what she means by giving space… No contact, limited contact, seeing others…. How will both of you know when it’s time to talk about whatever is behind the need for space?

    What is the real meaning? The likely hood is that she does not know herself which may be why see needs space, so speculating will just make you crazy and if you argue about it likely end up reinforcing any misgivings she has.

    When you both of you understand what giving space will look like let her know that stepping back and giving space does not mean you are giving up and don’t want to ‘fight’ for the relationship. You can’t read her mind (so don’t) Let her know that you expect her to let you know when it’s time to talk and that when she does you may need time to take in the information so that you can respond vice react to the emotions you may be experiencing when she tells you.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Peter.
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