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tired of being left behind.. help?

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  • #386888
    Grace
    Participant

    I am in my second year at school. I live in an off-campus apartment with one roommate through my school. I have been struggling because it is the 5th week of school and she has not stayed on weekend at the apartment. It’s extremely frustrating because she goes and drives 4 hours to her boyfriend’s college and stays with him all weekend long and comes back late on Sunday nights. Or he’ll come for the weekend and stay at his house which is 45 mins away from us and she’ll leave and stay at his place for the entire weekend.

    She is my only close friend here at school, I’m far from home (from Texas but I go to school in Pennsylvania). And we get along really well honestly like we are so alike and we have never had any issues. We’ve talked about her leaving once like 2 weeks ago. She said she felt bad or that it might bother me but she didn’t want to bring it up which shows me she knows it’s kinda crappy of her to leave every single weekend…

    but nothing changed… that honestly bothers me a lot because don’t reassure me that things will change and stick to doing the same thing… I think it’s hard for me to relate because I’ve never had a bf but still like I think what she’s doing is universally lame.. Like I understand they’re far away but like I’ve just had so many friends in the past make a new bf their entire life, and yes we live together but we are busy and pretty school orientated so we don’t go out and hang out during the week, we might catch up over how our day went but that’s really it..

    So I’m not sure how to revisit this conversation, I don’t want her to think I’m jealous or that I need her here 100% and that I’m controlling at all, I just miss my friend and want to actually do fun stuff? Any tips would be helpful lol, I do realize I need to branch out and not just have 1 friend so if anyone has any tips on making friends in college that’d also be very helpful :))

    #386893
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    We’ve talked about her leaving once like 2 weeks ago. She said she felt bad or that it might bother me but she didn’t want to bring it up which shows me she knows it’s kinda crappy of her to leave every single weekend… So I’m not sure how to revisit this conversation, I don’t want her to think I’m jealous or that I need her here 100%..“-

    -in order to advise you on how to revisit the conversation you had with your friend two weeks ago, can you elaborate in detail on that conversation: what did you say, what did she say, what did you then say, etc.?

    anita

    #386946
    Grace
    Participant

    Yeah for sure! So I brought it up and said something along the lines of ” hey so are you ever going to stay a weekend here?” and she said something like “ok yeah I feel bad about leaving but I didn’t want to bring it up”. and we talked it out a little and I made sure to emphasize that I understood that it is an awkward position for her to be in and I get it but that it’d be nice to hang out on the weekends. She said that when he comes here for the weekend she doesn’t have to stay over there and that we could hang more but like whenever we make plans when he’s here its like really short. It’ll be like we plan to go to a fall festival and we could only be there for like an hour because they made plans to get lunch. so I said maybe like doing stuff for more than a hour lol? that’s basically the conversation we had a while ago..

    #386947
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    I appreciate the information and will reply to you when I am back to the computer, in about 10 hours from now.

    anita

    #386962
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    Reads to me like there is nothing you can or should do about your roommate spending weekends with her boyfriend instead of with you. I understand your loss, being that she is your only close friend in Pennsylvania. But she has the right to spend her weekends with her boyfriend, just as you would have this right if you had a boyfriend. Therefore, I suggest that you don’t revisit the topic with her  and accept best you  can that this is how things are.

    As far as your loneliness, you asked for tips about making friends in college. If you tell me how you tried so far to make friends, what worked and what didn’t work (and how you made friends with your roommate), maybe I will be able to think of something.

    anita

    #387331
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Grace?

    anita

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