I have a similar, though less intense, association from the one time in my relationship that my boyfriend did something dumb and hurt my feelings regarding another girl. It wasn’t that big of a deal but it occurred on a vacation to a particular place during a very cold, rainy weekend. Even now, after sorting it all out, knowing the truth and knowing his true feelings and intentions, I still get a little “flashback” when I am out in that exact kind of weather. Or when I walk into that place. Luckily, I’ve been able to actually go there and have new experiences with different outcomes so I no longer have a strong negative reaction. Maybe it’s possible to watch movies about Venice or read books or even travel there with family or very good friends and replace that association with a different, positive association.

Just a suggestion.

Dear Melissa:

I think I didn’t think through my idea in my last post to you. In psychotherapy sessions, when you feel comfortable with the therapist, and you talk and talk about what happened, the whole heartbreak in the relationship, crying and otherwise feeling and sensing the sadness, the distress, the shock, the betrayal, that is what I call “processing” the emotions. It really does help.

This kind of processing it is more than just talking about it, it is experiencing the difficult emotions with the guidance of a competent therapist. This processing unties emotional knots and the energy in those knots is released in the form of heart felt crying and wailing and breathing hard, heart beating fast, throat choking… all the fun stuff, I am kidding, of course.

Probably not a good idea, if at all possible, to do it here. A few sessions with a competent psychotherapist for this very purpose can be a very good idea. What do you think?

anita