To follow your heart or follow your head….

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    Hi all,

    My name is cj and I have two beautiful daughters, 7 and 9, and an amazing husband so I feel very blessed and happy with my life. My hubby wants to try for another child. My heart says yes but my head says no. I am so confused.

    I am vary much in a battle of head vs heart and would love some advice. How do you follow your heart when your head says no?

    My biggest fear is that having another child, and becoming a stay at home mum (My hearts ultimate desire) will put a great deal of stress on my hubby and we will battle financially to cover our car and house loans. This will also impact my kids and I probably wont be able to afford their dance and swimming lessons that bring them a lot of joy, so I am not sure if it is a fair decision for them.

    BUT…. on the flip side we are possibly talking about a little human life and really you cant put a value on that.

    So confused. What do you do when your head and heart are telling you two different things?????


    Hi CJ,

    This is my first time posting. I am hardly qualified to give any advice , having never faced anything like this.

    I just would like to say – it doesn’t sound like your head that says no, it is still your heart that worries for the quality of life for the other people around you. So really, it sounds like a battle between the various pieces of your heart and the people who hold them. And yes, definitely, the quality of life, love and care also matters a LOT so it is not an easy decision that you are facing.

    No matter what you decide, I only hope that a loving wife and mom like you would also remember to care for yourself.

    I wish you and your family all the very best


    Hi CJ
    What price on a human life?
    What did people do 100/1000/10,000 years ago when there were no choices?
    In the end, you could be stay at home mum and contribute some to finances.
    Imagine trying to explain to your daughters in 20 years time that there was a dilemma between another child and their dance and swimming lessons.
    It might not be an easy decision but one that will open up so much to you as a family.


    Thanks Everyone

    Hi CJ

    At the end of the day, this is your family decision and a rather person one. However, since you have asked this question on the forum, I would like to offer my perspective in the hope that it may resonate with some people at a deeper and higher level. Please do not take it personally as I have no intention of causing grief.

    We humans have a need to procreate as we are wired that way. So if given an opportunity, most of us will keep having babies. However, current climate and other stressors in life have made people think outside of the square and really plan their families and also plan the families well being in the long run. You are perfectly right in saying that we cant put a price on a human life. But the question remains – do we need this extra human life when we have so many existing kids (not your own blood, though) out there who need tender loving care and financial support ?

    And second question is: how many babies does it take to make someone happy and feel complete as a family ? Can we put a number out ? Well, this is where we have to use the brain more than the heart and ask the questions that you have asked. Do current existing (own) kids get less facilities to flourish in the world at the expense of an unborn child ? What about the time and resources, which are invested in looking after the existing kids – can we sustain it for another 20 or so years without going into major debts ? When you increase the family, do you invest in a bigger home, a bigger car and do you stretch yourself thin in trying to run around for 3 kids in 3 different directions ? And the end result – WHAT FOR ? What is this extra kid going to give you that the first 2 are unable to ? I suspect MORE HAPPINESS may be your answer. So the ultimate question is: What is happiness and where does it end ?

    I agree with Wendy – Hope you get some time to care for yourself as well in the process.




    Thanks for the replies. They have really got me thinking.

    I am sorry but I think I was a bit misleading in the way that I posted this topic. It did come across as a really personal question but I really am not looking for people to give me a yes or no answer. I know that is truely up to me. I guess what I was really trying to say is that I am currently battling with my thoughts and fears at what is a major cross road in my life.

    Being a big anxiety sufferer I have found so many great tips and advice on this site I threw my current situation out into your forum in the hope that someone may have some tip or guidance in making life altering decisions while feeling a lot of emotion pulls.

    I did mediatate on this last night and it became very clear to me that my greatest fear in this decision is an overwelming fear that I may regret in the future whatever decision I may make now, and that is really scary for me. How on earth do you make possible life decisions that could dramatically alter your future (and that of your most loved ones) when you are so scared that whatever decision you make you may regret later?

    I am currently on a very steep learning curve with learning to live in the present, and this has brought me so much peace of mind and happiness. How is it possible to make decisions about the future without letting fear influence the decisions I make?


    Hi CJ

    I understand where you are coming from and that’s why I offered the insight that I did. Hey, you need to appreciate living in the present moment and appreciate the joy you have currently rather than aim for more. Once you really understand what I wrote, all your problems and fears associated with future and anxiety will be solved. Try and read the post again in a few weeks.

    The major problem with most of us is that we forget to enjoy the current moment and start planning for our future even when everything is awesome and complete in the present moment. Who has seen the future ? Who knows that you will be around tomo to have the kid (you will be, of course) ? Anxiety often arises when we are trying to control a situation which is outside of our control or when we are aiming for something more than we are capable of chewing. Do you get the drift ? Let nature take its own course.

    Continue with the meditation. Everything will become easy and clear with time.

    Loads of positive energy coming your way. Give a big cuddle to your beautiful daughters. They are pretty special bunch of kids, yeah !


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